Mute | Luke Hemmings &' Ashton Irwin (Lashton/5SOS)

Chapter 10

Have you ever realized the more you don't want something to happen, the more likely it is to happen? The more you dread something, the more agony you feel when you have no other choice, but to face it. There were many emotions running through my head, slowly taking over me when my alarm clock rung the next morning. Today was Tuesday and it was finally time to face what hole I dug myself into over the weekend at Michael's party.

Sure, what happened would feed into my image of the perfect stereotypical jock, but that's honestly something I didn't want. That's honestly someone I'm not, and never will be. It's funny what we'd do as human beings for the acceptance of other humans beings. It's sad that society has made us accustomed to this type of behavior, hurting someone else for your own personal gain and it's even sadder I actually gave in and took part in it this time.

I haven't heard from Luke since he mysteriously left my group home Sunday afternoon. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't  worried, because I was nothing but worried. Although I was barely in school Monday, I should've seen him at least once while I was there. Luke may have been mute, but he sure wasn't invisible. Well to me, he was never invisible.

The thought of him in school yesterday alone pains me. I wonder if he passed by lockers and heard all the whispers of what I was going to do with that girl like it wasn't enough for him to see it.

My mind begins to ache at the memory of that night and I shake my head in resistance, hesitation and anger when I recall my last words to Megan after she accused me of the same rumors everyone else has.

"I didn't know being homosexual was ever something to be frowned upon." The words are replaying themselves on loop in my head.

Luke wasn't just going through people talking of me almost sleeping with Megan, but possibly also the rumors of my sexual orientation being confirmed from my own mouth.

There was a part of me that refused to believe Megan caught onto my comment. There was a part of me that wanted to believe she heard nothing or misinterpreted my comment, but deep down, I knew Megan wasn't the stupid, clueless girl everyone made her out to be. She was smart, and she had to have known what I meant.

Every bone in my body was slowly begging, wishing, praying for her to keep what she knew to herself. I didn't want to come out like that, I couldn't come out like that. There was no way I was going to allow Luke to find out my sexual orientation through the mocking whispers of premature teenager in our school hallways. I refused.

Quickly getting off my bed, I got dressed within seconds while calling Calum to come pick me up as soon as possible. I was halfway out the door when Eric stopped me in my tracks.

"Why are you in such a rush to get to school?" he whispers. I should've checked whether or not he was in bed. The thought of him existing has completely slipped my mind since his comments about Luke and our complicated relationship.... If you could even call it that.

The clock hanging in the living room shows that it's now 7 o'clock. Everyone should be waking up shortly and I need to leave the house now before they all do and keep me here any longer.

"Um, Football," I say, more like a question, hoping he believes me.

Eric shakes his head in disappointment, and I try to avoid him and head for the door, but he blocks me once more.

"The truth, Ashton," he demands and a part of me begins to erupt with anger until I realize I have no time for this.

Silence falls between us before I let out a long sigh, "At the party on Saturday, I said something to Megan that might bring her to the conclusion that I'm gay...." I trail off, not knowing how to bring up Luke without actually doing so. "I'm, I'm not ready to come out yet. My friends don't deserve to find out like this, through whispers and from the point of view of some random girl..."