Mute | Luke Hemmings &' Ashton Irwin (Lashton/5SOS)

Chapter 3

I haven't looked at Michael the same since the altercation with Luke. I usually never look at anyone the same after I catch them getting into physical altercations with Luke.

It's downright wrong and every time I look at Michael, all I can remember is the slur of his voice calling Luke a fag while connecting his fist to his jaw. I've watched Michael countless times push Luke around and yell inconsiderate things to him about being mute from time to time, but I never witnessed him joining the physical abuse against Luke.

Now as I watch him and Calum intertwine hands while whispering in one another's ears, I can't help but feel confused. It's been days and I still feel confused.

Why does Michael have an issue with gays if he himself is gay? It makes no sense. He's been smitten with Calum for about a year when they made their feelings known to each other and everyone on the team. It wasn't a big deal for anyone, and I couldn't help but add that to the list of things that I envied about the pair. Everyone was so accepting, so okay with the two of them. If I were to ever come out, it'd most likely be the end of the world and then some.

I can almost hear the people whispering around the school now at the thought of the football team being too gay to function, because that's what always happens because anything involving the star athlete of the football team was the end of the world, no matter how minor it actually was.

Michael's always been ruthless toward Luke with words, but I'd never heard him ever mutter anything about being gay. Was Luke gay? And why would he be worried about Luke rubbing it off on me?

To everyone, I know nothing of Luke Hemmings when in fact, I know as much as I'm able to know.

Months back, I was way too 'cool' to even acknowledge Luke when he dropped a pencil in our shared Maths class. Even though if I was given the chance, I'd acknowledge him every minute of every hour of every day if I was allowed to or if Luke ever gave me the opportunity to.

Luke speaking to me is still a shock to me, being left in that locker room alone with the tingly feeling of his lips on mine lingering as his words repeated in my mind on loop.

His voice was low and almost as if he was unsure of what he was about to say, but when he did say the words, my heart melted.

Although as much as I wanted Luke to have the same reaction, as much as I wanted Luke to have a liking to me as I did to him, he didn't. After his words were spoken, it finally sunk in that he talked. He opened his mouth and spoke before he unattached himself from me swiftly. In that moment, his face read fear, regret, or shame even. I'm not really sure which it was, but I'd give anything to know. To know what made Luke the Luke he is now, as well as the Luke he used to be.

"Ash, you okay?" Calum asks me in between laughs caused by his boyfriend, who's lap he's now taken instead of the library chair.

"Fine," I mutter, not allowing my fingers to trace over my lips once more. I hadn't realized I was in such deep though about my confusion and I hadn't realized I was reminiscing on Luke's lips upon mine the entire time either.

I'm not fine. I'm not fine at all. I haven't seen Luke since last Friday, and it's now Thursday. He's either been absent all week or avoiding me all week. Either of the suggestions making little to no sense to me.

Luke has always been the one to care a little too much about his education. He wouldn't be absent for almost a week straight without consent from anyone or acknowledgment of the teachers, and he couldn't have been avoiding me since we shared a few classes and a lunch period.

I just wanted to know if he was okay. I wanted to apologize for the kiss, not for it happening, but for making him feel as if he had to reciprocate, if he felt as if he needed to kiss back or felt forced in any way. I don't want to force him or anything, but I wouldn't take that kiss back either for the life of me.