rainfall | ashton irwin au | completed

twenty three

I packed up the rest of my clothes into my bag, sighing at the thought of having to go home. I wasn't prepared to face my mother again after the last time we had spoken. She had tried to call me multiple times, and had even come to Anna's house to try and talk to me, but I couldn't see her. Now, I had no choice.

"Hey, Lilah," I turned around as Luke tapped me on the shoulder awkwardly, "I just want to apologise for getting you drunk the other night. It was stupid."

"You don't have to apologise." I said. "It was my choice. I just didn't expect Ashton to get so angry with you."

Luke scratched the back of his neck, his black sweater sleeves covering half of his hands. "I know. He's a little overprotective of you. Speaking of, how are things between you and him? You seem a lot closer lately."

I smiled subconsciously, biting my lip to suppress it when I realised how stupid I must have looked. "Yeah, things are good, really good. I still don't know if I can trust him, though."

"It's understandable. I mean, he was working with Matt when we first met him. That's not easy to forget." He cleared his throat, his gaze falling on the door.

I followed it in confusion, my heart hammering in my chest when I noticed that Ashton was standing there. I took a step forward, but he was already leaving, his footsteps instantly pattering down the stairs and the door slamming behind him.

I cursed under my breath, following him as quickly as I could. "Ashton, wait!" I called desperately, speeding up to catch his wrist.

He pulled his arm away aggressively and I stumbled back in shock. "What?" He questioned with a stone cold tone.

"Why are you so upset?" I whispered as a cold breeze cut through my thin cardigan, causing me to shudder.

He scoffed. "Are you serious?"

I nodded, pulling my arms around my chest as if it would stop the ache in the pit of my stomach that arose at the sight of Ashton's hostility.

"I just heard you telling another guy you don't trust me! Why do you think I'm upset?"

"What do you expect?! You worked with Matt and Josh! I can't just forget that!" I shouted over the howling of the wind, the anger warming my skin up. My dark hair whipped around my face like black ocean waves, and I felt like I could barely breathe. Still, I couldn't calm myself down like I should have done.

"I have tried my best to prove to you that you can trust me, but it's not enough, is it?!" He sighed, his expression softening suddenly. "You push people away because it's easier than being loved, and I don't think I have the energy to keep doing this with you. If you can't trust me, there's no point in doing this."

"Then don't. Go and find someone else," I retorted through chattering teeth. "This was never going to work anyway."

He shook his head, his jawline clenching and his hands balling into fists. "I wish you would have realised it sooner," he snarled. "It would have saved me a lot of time." He turned his back on me and walked towards the forest.

I didn't call for him again. I didn't even wait for his body to disappear into the greenery. I walked back into the house, grabbed my stuff, and went home.

I refused to cry. I refused to think of the way his eyes reminded me of the forest. I refused to think of the way his lips had felt on mine, because I did not want to depend on Ashton for my happiness, so I didn't. I pretended like my heart wasn't shattering in my chest.

I pretended like I could look at the tree tops beside my bedroom window without feeling like my whole body was being tossed around in icy cold waves again and again. Pretending would never change the truth, though.

*

I was in the forest, trying to keep my breathing steady, when he called me. I didn't want to answer at first, needing the space away from him, but something didn't feel right within me, and I was worried that something was wrong.

"Ashton?"

"Lilah." It wasn't the soft voice that I had longed to hear. It was Josh's, venomous and arrogant. I would recognise it anywhere, now.   

I immediately began to panic, leaning my arm against a tree to prevent myself from collapsing. "Where is he?"

"Don't worry, your boyfriend is fine. Or he will be, if you do what I ask."

"You have my power, what more do you want?"

He chuckled ominously, causing my heart to drop into my stomach. The only thing that I could think about was Ashton and what state he would be in if Josh had gotten his hands on him.

"There's one last thing I need from you. You know where I'll be."

He hung up and I let out a few ragged breaths, my chest tightening with anxiety. I wished that Ashton and I had never had that fight. It was my fault. Rather than apologising, I let him walk away, and now he was the one paying the price.

It was my fault.

I texted Leah with trembling fingers, telling her that Josh had Ashton and I had to stop him. I knew that they would never get here in time, anyway; I was already half way to where the old warehouse was. The route was etched into my brain after the last time I had been there.

My feet carried me forward willingly, scuffing themselves through pine needles and fallen leaves. I was shivering from both the cold and fear, and I longed for Ashton's warmth.

I had already lost him once today, and I was not prepared for it again. It was my fault.

AN: Sorry this is short and kinda shitty, it's a filler because drama llama is coming and then the book will be finished oh my god how weird

there's like 5 chapters left I think if not less dfutr I hope you guys won't be disappointed with the ending or anything dhuftg

love u bye