rainfall | ashton irwin au | completed

twenty two

We had decided that tonight would be our last night spent at Anna's. Tomorrow, we would go home and hope that Josh would not decide to come after one of us. We didn't particularly want to, but summer was almost over, and we couldn't hide in Anna's house forever. Soon enough, we would be going back to school. It seemed stupid, really. After everything we had been through, it seemed strange that we still had school to go back to. I had forgotten it even existed.

To try and lift our spirits, Anna had decided that we would spend our last night sat around her fireplace, drinking and talking. For once, I actually wanted to participate. I was no longer the anti-social girl who only talked to them when necessary, and I didn't mind that I had changed. I had begun to appreciate the people around me a lot more after they had supported me so much. It wasn't just that, though; I was happier, even with my mother's revelation and Josh's threats looming over me. I had friends, and I had Ashton. It was as if I had been waiting for something for years, and I had finally gotten it. I hoped I would never lose it, though I still had doubts.

"Okay, what's the worst thing that's ever happened to you?" Anna asked, taking a sip of her drink.

Michael groaned at the question. "I thought we were supposed to be having fun tonight."

"We are, but I want to get to know you all more," she sighed. "We might never get to do this again. Things could go back to how they used to be when we go back to school."

"That's not going to happen." Luke shook his head, and as he looked at Anna, and I thought I noticed a spark of something glimmer in his eyes. I hoped that it wasn't just the reflection of the lit fire in front of him for Anna's sake. "You guys are like my best friends now. We've been through so much together. I won't forget that just because school is starting again."

"Are you sure about that Luke? The cool kids might not like you hanging out with us losers," Leah joked.

It took me a minute to understand what she meant. I had forgotten that we all had separate lives at school, with Luke being the popular party guy who managed to sleep with every girl he laid eyes on. I always thought badly about him for it, having no idea that he would be willing to risk his life to save mine. I regretted all of the hours I had spent despising the people in front of me, because I could have had friends from the very beginning. I didn't have to be alone for so long.

"Okay, Grace, you start. What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you?"

Grace hesitated, licking her plump lips as she thought. "Probably my grandma dying," she said quietly. I had never seen her without her flirtatious expression. Her eyes were shiny with tears, but she didn't cry. I found myself wishing that I could be as strong as her. "I was too young to understand it, but it was just like one day, she was there and the next, she wasn't. It took me a long time to get used to not seeing her every day."

"I really don't think this is a good idea," Ashton spoke up, looking slightly nervous. I laced my fingers through his in reassurance and he squeezed my hand gratefully. "It might upset people."

"No, it's fine," Grace responded. "I think it's nice that we're getting to know each other. I was too self-obsessed to really try before."

Ashton sighed.

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to," I whispered as Leah began to talk about her worst experience. "Do you need some air?"

He nodded, biting down on his lip as I pulled him up, glancing at Anna as she nodded in understanding. We sat on the porch, our hands still intertwined together. I didn't say anything for a few minutes, letting him calm down before I asked for an explanation.

Instead, I watched the way his brown eyes shone golden against the moonlight, the way shadows fell across his jawline, the way his chest rose and fell. I wondered when it was that Ashton began to feel like home, more so than my house or even the forest ever had. I wondered how long it would be until the walls of my home crumbled down to the ground, and how I would feel when they did.

I wondered how someone like him, who was a vast woodland, could fall for someone like me, an insignificant fallen leaf. I was just one tiny part of one tiny tree in his gigantic forest. Why did I matter?

"What are you thinking?" I finally asked in an attempt to forget my own thoughts.

He exhaled shakily, finally turning to face me. "I just hate talking about stuff like that, you know?"

I nodded, shuffling into his chest as he motioned for me to do so. I didn't say anything, knowing from experience that it was better to just listen to him.

"I keep thinking about my mum, and how she's just like a shell now. It scares me, Lilah."

I remembered what he had told me; how his father had cheated on his mother, and how she had handled it so badly that she couldn't even cope with looking after him or his siblings.

"When everything was happening with Matt and Josh, my mum called me. I didn't want to tell you because you were going through so much."

I felt guilty. I hadn't even realised that something was bothering him until now. I was too wrapped up in my own drama. "You should have talked to me. I could have helped. What happened?"

"My dad took my brother and sister away from her because she couldn't cope without me looking after them. She kept losing her temper, and when Harry told my dad, he came and got them straight away. She needed me, and I wasn't there." He gulped, and my heart hammered against my chest at the thought of him hurting like this without telling me.

I sat up, looking at him worriedly. "That's not fair. This isn't your fault."

"I should have been there." He ran a hand through his hair before putting his head in his hands, his elbows resting on his thighs. "She doesn't have anybody, Lilah. I don't know how I'm going to face her tomorrow."

"She'll understand. She knows what's been going on,  all of our parents do. You can't blame yourself; it was never your job to look after them."

"She needed me."

I couldn't meet his gaze when he sat up again. I couldn't help but feel like this was partly—or mostly—my fault. He had been here for me all this time instead of with his own family. "It's not your fault," was the only thing that I could say.

"The worst thing is that I can't even regret everything that happened here while my mum was going through it, because if it wasn't for all the drama, I wouldn't have gotten you."

"I'm not worth all of this drama, Ashton. You would be better off without me." I pulled my knees to my chest, unsurprised when the first drops of rain began to fall. The rain had barely stopped since I got my powers back.

"Don't say that. What's going on at home might be the worst thing that's happened to me, but you're by far the best. I wish you could understand that," he said softly, pulling me to his chest again. He couldn't hide his smirk as the rain stopped just as soon as it had begun. "Thank you for listening to me."

"If you need me tomorrow, I'll be there."

"I know." His fingers traced patterns onto my bare arms, and it felt as if they were leaving behind a trail of flames. "Thank you."

We were silent for an immeasurable amount of time before Ashton, with a much more enthusiastic tone, asked, "Can you make it rain again?"

I laughed, doing as he had requested without hesitation. And then, just as we always had, we sat as close together as we could, watching as the rain fell a few meters away from us, and for the first time in my life, my heart no longer felt heavy from the dull ache of loneliness.

I found everything that I had ever needed in the rhythm of his heart beat and the stars in his eyes.   

AN: SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN A WHILE I HAD A LOT OF COLLEGE STUFF AND THEN  I NEEDED TO CATCH UP ON EDITING FOR PEOPLE SO YEAH I DIDN'T HAVE MUCH TIME BUT I'M GOING TO TRY AND UPDATE AGAIN EITHER TONIGHT OR TOMORROW TO MAKE UP FOR IT. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS BOOK IS ALMOST FINISHED WUT

OK LOVE U BYE I HOPE YOU HAVENT ALL FORGOTTEN ABOUT MY BOOK HAHA