rainfall | ashton irwin au | completed

twelve

"Lilah, please let me in," Leah called from the other side of the door. I could practically hear the pity in her voice. It made me feel fragile, as if I was on the verge of a breakdown. "It's only me. You can talk to me."

I exhaled and opened the door, instantly closing it again as Leah entered, her expression more grave than I had ever seen. Usually, a smile was plastered on her face, but not today. It just made the whole situation seem more daunting.

She didn't say anything, just frowned and hugged me. The old me would have pushed her away instantly and laughed in her face, but something within me had changed ever since Ashton arrived, and I couldn't decide whether it was because of him or because of all the drama I had faced. All I knew was that I had not been embraced like this in a very long time, and I had forgotten how nice it felt to be held and comforted. All this time, I had been on my own because I thought it was better that way, but now I realised how lonely I had been. 

I felt guilty. I had been rude to Leah more times than I could count, yet she was always the first to try and help me. I did not deserve the comfort she gave me, but I took it anyway.

"Michael told me what Matt did to you." She whispered. "You're so brave. I couldn't imagine going through that."

I wanted to tell her that what Ashton did to me was far worse, but I couldn't allow the words to fall out of my mouth.

"I didn't exactly have a choice." I pulled away and swallowed the lump in my throat, leaning against the cold sink for support.

"But still. I would have cried like a baby or pass out or something."

"I did cry like a baby." I would have chuckled if it was not for the heaviness in my chest.

Leah smiled slightly, sliding down onto the cold bathroom tiles as I did the same. "He's falling for you, Lilah," she said quietly, glancing at me from the corner of her eye. "I read his mind."

I shook my head. "He wouldn't have done this if he did. It was all a lie." I pulled my knees up to my chest and bowed my head to hide the tears that were no doubt about to fall. I could hear the steady patter of rain outside, but I couldn't find the beauty in it as I usually did. I could not hear the melodic rhythm of the sound of the rainfall as I usually could, nor could I feel the excitement I usually felt every time it fell. Everything was different now.

"Not all of it," she disagreed. "You can tell by the way he looks at you that he has feelings for you. It's the same way I look at Michael, and Michael looks at me."

"Michael would never betray you like that. Whether Ashton really does like me or not, it doesn't matter now. It was already difficult for me to trust him, but knowing the only reason he bothered with me in the first place was for Matt's sake makes it ten times harder." I didn't know why I was talking to Leah about any of this, but I didn't want to push her away any more. She was a good listener, and she always knew the reality of the situation. Maybe I did need her to be my friend.

"You have to talk to him about this. You can't just give up on what you had."

I snorted. "You're not seriously suggesting that I forgive him?" I wrapped my arms around myself, the cold spreading through my bones from the floor beneath us.

She stood up, towering over me, and extending her hand for me to take. "I'm suggesting you at least try and figure it out. When you were with him, you were happy. It was nice to see you like that."

"I'm always happy," I retorted sarcastically, earning a giggle from Leah. No sooner than had it appeared was it gone again. I took her hand and pulled myself up slowly, my body feeling heavy and achy.