Lions, Tigers, and Bears

Clear In My Eyes

I woke up to the feeling of Ryan nuzzling his head to the back of my neck while his arm was slung across my waist.  The sun was peeking through the curtains.  I felt so warm with him against me.

Shoot.  I need to go back to my room.  I turned over a little bit which caused Ryan to stir.

"Ry, I gotta go back to my room." I whispered to him.  With his eyes still closed he breathed in his first breath of morning and frowned. 

"No..." He whined quietly, still groggy.

"I'll text you and see you tomorrow at school." I said to him and kissed his forehead.  He let me go and I got out from under the covers.  I grabbed my phone and left Ryan's key card on the dresser.  I quickly walked back to my room and opened the door quietly.  Janette's friend was still asleep.  I crawled into bed and stared at the ceiling feeling cold.  I wanted his arms around me again. I couldn't fall back asleep, his breathing was a lullaby.  I eventually went and showered and by the time I was done, Janette's friend was awake.  She didn't ask me anything about going to Ryan's, which was good.  She didn't need to know the details.

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Nora and I both went to school a little early the next day so I could tell her everything that happened.

"So it wasn't even good?" She asked.

"No, but I mean it was my first time."

"That's true.  God, I hope it gets better!"

"Have you done it before?"

"No, never have been in a relationship." She said.

"Wait, so you and Brendon made out, how are we not talking about that?" I said.  She smirked.

"Yeah.  We're going to dinner tonight.  He's a good kisser, and he tasted like candy."

"Oh gross! But i'm happy for you two!" I said laughing before heading to class.

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Two months later~~~~~

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The school year was almost over and we were all about to be finished with our junior year of high school.  Brendon and Nora had started dating and since they have no filter, their hands were on each other every moment they were with one another.  Ryan and I have been spending more alone time together, and yes the sex is so much better.  Things have been getting weird around my household.  Papa has been working later and Mama is feeling overwhelmed with the work she has to do.  I try to help out as much as I can, but I have school and even though I should put family first, I've been putting Ryan first.  Everything about him was comfortable.  I feel like I could tell him anything in the world and he wouldn't judge me or think it was weird.  We've been having more deeper conversations on what love means, both emotionally and physically.  We talked about growing old together.

I awoke by the sound of a door slam.  I looked at my phone and it read 2:13 am.  I laid in my bed quietly but wide awake.  There was noise coming from the kitchen.

"LAURA!" I heard Papa yell out.  He was drunk.  I heard footsteps down the hall which meant Mama had been woken up and she was going out to Papa to see what he was yelling about.  He kept shouting "Laura" a few times.  I could hear mama talking in a hushed whisper but I didn't know what she was saying.

"God DAMN IT! YOU CAN'T DO THIS ONE THING FOR ME! I FUCKING ASK ONE THING!" He yelled out.   I squeezed my eyes shut and gripped my blanket around me.  I tried to get to a happy place.  I thought about sitting in Ryan's room while he played guitar and sang a little song he wrote for me.