Diary of My Life

10/21/15

so its been a while. I don't really know where to begin here. well I broke down last night and I'm sitting in bed dreading school listening to depressing music, wearing sweatpants and like no makeup, didn't do any homework last night.
I'm a failure. I'm pathetic. there's nothing wrong with me or my life rn why am I feeling so low I don't understand.
well there is one problem, parents are fighting so much and keep talking about separating. if they do, that will kill me. but I can't break down then bc theyll already have enough problems to deal with, they don't need a suicidal daughter on top of everything too. so I guess I have to keep going no matter how hard or painful it is, or I leave before my parents split. idk what to do anymore, about anything really.
I'm a sophomore, only two years left until I'm on my own. I'm wasting what are supposed to be the best years of my life being depressed and anxious 24/7. why am I this way why can't I be like everyone else, happy, with awesome friends everywhere and a gf or bf who I see every day and can always go and see whenever, and who's parents let her go whenever.
gotta go to school now. I'll probably be writing here more.

update: went home from school during first hour. thank god. I couldn't stop crying all morning and I was embarrassed so before school started I went to the bathroom and just cried for a while. then my mom told me to go to my dean so I did and had to talk to him about what was going on. and now I have to see my therapist tomorrow.
why am I so weak. I literally could not hold in anything I couldn't stop crying. I'm so hopeless and pathetic. my life is going nowhere.
my head hurts so much. write later.