I Won't Be Invisible Forever.

Chapter Three.

 I got home from school and I ran to my room. I turned off all the lights so there was only natural light coming into the room and I grabbed my razor blade that I kept in my drawer. I sat on my bed and cried as I destroyed my skin with the razor. I felt so horrible. Everyone at school was spreading rumours about me and people came up to me and told me how much they hated fakers like me and wanted me to die. They pretended like they were going to throw up in order to mock me, then they would laugh. I guess Emily wanted revenge. Emily was the "leader" of the "popular" girls. She got Abby to talk to Reid because she wanted his attention like I had. If this was how I was going to be treated, I didn't want his attention anymore. I figured if I stopped eating and kept cutting, he would give up on me. At least I hoped that's what would happen. I watched the blood leak out of my wounds. I sat there watching them bleed while I cried. When they had stopped bleeding, I just laid down and went to sleep feeling defeated.

When I woke up again, I looked over at my clock. It said 6:30AM. I lazily dragged myself out of bed and changed my clothes. I grabbed my school bag and walked out the door. By the time I arrived at school, it was 7:00AM. I made sure my sleeves were down and I put my hood up. I didn't stop at my locker, I just went straight to math class. I sat down at my desk and pulled my books out. I opened them up, pulled a pencil out, and started working. It was a work period today, so that's all we did. I didn't stop working or look up once. Nobody cared anyway. The bell rang and I walked down to my Spanish class next. I was not looking forward to it. I planned on taking off right when the bell rang so Reid couldn't ask me to stay.

I sat down in my desk alone at the back of the class. Reid wasn't there yet, which was a relief for me. Minutes later, he entered the room. He was the first one, other than me, to enter the room.

"How are you today, Desiree?" Reid asked me.

"I'm fine, how are you?"

"I'm alright."

The rest of the people who took this class with me started to fill the room. I sat there silently while they all came in loud and laughing with each other. It made me sad, because I knew I was never going to have that with somebody. Where I can talk and laugh with them without any cares. Man, were these people ever lucky.

Reid started to explain the new assignment we had after everyone in the class had settled in. I got working right away while everyone else in the class chose partners to work with. While everyone was noisily working on their assignments, Reid came up to me and pulled a chair up beside my desk.

"So, how are you really doing?" Reid asked me.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, trying to sound happy and cheerful.

"I can tell that you're not truly happy. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong!"

"Desiree, stop lying."

I sighed from frustration. He just did not ever give up, did he?

"What do you want from me?" I asked, not making eye contact with him.

"The truth. What's going on?"

"Nothing is going on! Can I please just do my work?" I pleaded.

"Fine," he said, getting up and walking away. Nobody noticed that we even had a conversation because they were too caught up in what they were doing. As usual. Reid went to sit as his desk while I sat there, staring at my pencil in my hand. I don't know what came over me, but I got up and walked out of the class. Nobody noticed though. There was nobody yelling me name telling me to come back. No whispers behind my back, whispering about what a freak I am. Nothing. It's as if I didn't exist; and that's the worse thing anybody could ever experience.

-

I always found myself holding back tears. I don't think it was only the fact that I was emotional that caused it. I was miserable. I had one parent who focused on my siblings more than me, no friends, nobody to care about me. That is the worst feeling in the world; and trust me, you don't want to know what it feels like. I once promised myself that I won't be invisible forever. I'm breaking that promise. I'm making myself permanently invisible.

-

I walked out of the school and down the street to a nearby park. There was a big oak tree there where I cried after school when I had a horrible day, which was pretty much every day. I fell to my knees and started digging at the dirt that was surrounding the tree with my bare hands. I pulled out a rusty old razor. I buried it there the day I promised myself that I wouldn't always be invisible. I buried there as a last resort. When the last person who cared about you gives up on you, I think that's the end. If nobody, not even yourself, has hope for you anymore, what's the point?

I held the razor to my wrist, getting ready for what I hoped would help towards my ending. I had no idea if it would work or not, but I wanted to give it a shot. I sliced my wrist several times watching the blood ooze out. Hopefully I would get an infection or something. I dropped the razor in the hole and filled the hole in with dirt. It was unusually quiet here today. I sat under the tree, alone, wishing for this horrible feeling to end. I hoped with all my heart that this worked.