The Messiah [1]

32: Athena

There was nothing but darkness on the other side. Athena was falling, head over heels into the abyss. Yet, she was too numb to feel any fear over the emptiness. There was no ending in sight - and the idea of temporarily floating in a place where she had no responsibilities greatly appealed to her. There was a deep pulsing at the base of her skull, but Athena felt no interest in discovering why. She felt nothing - she was swimming in a pit of apathy, unable to work up the wherewithal to even think beyond the darkness. But, just when she was beginning to like the stagnate void around her, reality interceded.

With a great jolt, Athena woke, bolting upright and nearly flinging herself from the bed. Breaths falling heavily into the silence, she tried to orient herself but nothing seemed familiar immediately. A soft mattress lay beneath her, a single fan sat to her right on a chair - blowing cold air against her sweaty skin and immediately raising goosebumps. Dim light filtered through the windows above the bed, giving a small glimpse into the room. Slowly, Athena began to recognize it as her own space inside the compound. Though none of her own belongings lay scattered around, Athena knew it was her room. The walls were familiar, as was the blankets across her legs.

Sliding from the warm cocoon of sheets, Athena gave a small shriek when her feet came in contact with the cold stone of the floor. Only her shallow breathing breached the silence that lay heavily in the room. Athena was thankful for the solitude - knowing she needed time to deal with the emotions raging through her like a storm. A bone-deep ache was settled deep within her; and Athena knew she needed to move before the emptiness crushed her.

Silently, she padded over to the dresser, staring into the mirror. Strands of hair lay matted against her brown skin, and a pair of large green eyes stared into her own - but something was different. Eyes widening in shock, Athena looked closer - and there it was again, the small flash of gold near the iris of her eye. Numbness settled over her like a cloak - Athena couldn't even find the interest within her to examine the startling difference closer. The emptiness in her was expanding, eating her heart and settling in her stomach - a heavy weight that was a constant reminder of her sins.

Closing her eyes - unable to look at herself any longer - Athena stepped back to the bed. Slowly, she sank onto the mattress, numbness so deep in her soul she could barely breathe. She felt defeated; as if she had been given the stars only to be told she was too small to reach them. It was crushing - so deeply painful she needed to think of anything else.

What had happened last?

Jax had told her to run, the urgency in his voice propelling her forward in a desperate sprint for safety. She'd pounded across the concrete, only to crash through the doorway - but after that? Athena's mind was a blank slate. Nothing but white noise filled her memories and the more she tried to probe, the more her head began to throb and her heart beat faster. A growing sense of dread propelled her back to her feet; whatever had happened was too horrible to remember, but she needed to know. The sense of urgency gripping her was almost overwhelming as she fought to push through the static in her mind. Athena was struggling so hard, she didn't notice the furniture around her begin to shake, trembling as if a great wind was blowing through the room.

Dimitri.

With a scream, Athena remembered it all. The begging, crying - and the blood. So much blood. The bed behind her snapped in two, the frame splintering as the wood tore itself apart. She could still feel the red sticky substance on her hands and she wrapped her arms around herself so she didn't need to look at her hands. Hands that had betrayed her. Fingers that had pulled the trigger and ended her brother's life. Chest heaving, Athena fell back onto the broken, sagging mattress, her breathing coming in dry gasps that left her throat raw. She hated herself - wished she could just end it all. Pull one last trigger, but this time the muzzle would be pressed to her own temple.