Chapter Two-Apparently I'm no longer allowed to refer to this as a spoof, but oh well
The glistening swords slid seamlessly into their sheathes on my back. The sound made me shiver. I looked up into the grimy bathroom mirror and swept back my hair with some grease I found in my toiletry bag. My toiletry bag is key. I could win with this toiletry bag. I might even feel like I accomplished something in life when I do so. It contains all the essentials, and some random crap I won in a tetanus tombola just outside of Slough. The contents are as follows:
Toothbrush (Obviously)
Flanel (For Slapstick Comedic Effect)
Soap (For Dropping)
Razor Wire (Tombola)
Razor (Shaving)
3 D&D dice (For Emergency Decision Making)
5/8 of a pack of cards (Tombola)
Picture of Ewan McGregor (Not sure where that came from)
Toothpaste [Insert tedious, bracketed, meaningless explanation of why the hell this item is in your bag here]
Toffee appeared at the door, unperturbed by the preparation of my somewhat glorious hair.
"Excuse me... Can't you see I'm in the middle of the preparation of my somewhat glorious hair?"
"Yes. And I'm not perturbed by that. Leader wants us in teams." He drawled.
"A look of shock and horror is spreading across my face! Look! Wait, no, no it's not."
"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, you know."
"Stop being patronising."
"I wasn't being patronising, I was being supercilious."
"And now you're being pedantic."
"And now you're being pretentious, by demonstrating what a "superior lexicon" you have, to hide what a pathetic little man you really are underneath."
"You're a depressed, depraved, psychotic clown with nothing to live for or to lose."
"You're a hypocrite, acting like you need answers when all you do is spit on people who do."
"You're an arsehole. Now who's on my team?"
"Me."
"Damn... This whole chapter has just been us insulting each other, hasn't it?"
"Afraid so. Now welcome to the team."
"Thanks, you mask wearing psycho."
"I thought we'd got past that."
"Sorry."
YOU ARE READING
Quest
HumorA strange group of conspiracists march towards their mysterious prize. A deflated fan-fiction author, a psychotic clown and a sadistic politician are amongst the "motley crew". Fighting for the "Prize of the Day" they must traverse mountains, rivers...
