Finding The Courage (a Ziam Mayne AU)

Chapter Twelve "Mending"

Liam's POV

I've missed Zayn so badly. I've wanted to see his face again for so long and when I finally had, I had nothing to say to him. I still remembered the disappointment in his eyes.

Whatever I'd hoped for us to be was lost definitely. I had hoped this clarity could help be feel sane and secure again. If I couldn't figure out what I wanted, maybe his decision could. But no.

I was still missing him and it still scared me shitless.

I wanted to try to continue my every day life just as I had before I'd left. The world hadn't stopped spinning. Life had gone on without me.

Niall and Chrissy were together now. Like, an actual couple - not that I was surprised, but I was a little sad that I didn't witness it from the beginning. Harry had given up his playboy lifestyle and - as I already mentioned - was currently trying to win Louis back. Currently, by the way, being the last two months - Louis wasn't that easily persuaded. And on top of that all, there now was this Christian. Who apparently wasn't Zayn's boyfriend or whatever but I felt a swirl of jealousy in my stomach at the mere mention of his name.

On the three days I've been back to uni now, I've never seen Zayn without him. They even held hands all the time - I don't know what everyone else thought of that and it didn't matter to me what they called it, they certainly acted like boyfriends.

I was invited to Louis' and Zayn's birthday party - I reckoned that had been Louis' idea, since Zayn probably didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. Not that I could blame him.

"You do know that you don't really have the right to be jealous?", Harry said at lunch, when I'd been watching Christian and Zayn together for... I don't really know how long... for too long at least. "You had your chances."

"I'm not jealous.", I grunted.

"If you say so."

Suddenly, Christian looked up and our eyes met. His lips curled into a kind smile and he waved for us to come over to sit with them. Shit! I looked over at Harry.

He shrugged, smiling deviously. "Well, you're the one who stared at them."

I moaned, crammed my stuff together and we went over to their table, where they were sitting together with Chrissy and Niall.

Zayn hadn't noticed Christian inviting us over. When we greeted the others he stiffened and turned around slowly. "Hi.", he mumbled, obviously uncomfortable.

Chrissy and Niall looked at him concerned when we sat down. Did he tell them? How much did he tell them?

"How come I've never seen you here before, Christian?", I asked, desperately trying to avoid the awkward silence.

"Oh, I don't go to this university.", he said, slyly putting a finger to his mouth and winking at me. "Don't tell anyone."

He was really handsome, I understood what Zayn saw in him. He had fluffy, blonde hair, that looked like he just got out if bed like that - in the sexiest way possible - his green eyes shining like emeralds and his voice crumbled in just the right places. Even I could get weak at that. But my days of sleeping around were over. I'd decided to change.

Why again? Yeah, right. For Zayn. But that was off the table again. So, well... Whatever...

So was Christian, though. He only had eyes for Zayn.

Louis joined the party and sat down between Chrissy and me. Harry's eyes started shimmering. "Hi, Louis.", he said, smiling widely.

"Hi.", Louis said, fairly indifferent to Harry's feelings.

Harry's smile faded and he looked down at his plate. That was cruel. Harry has not been the kindest to Louis, I will admit that, but Louis was being really cold towards him now.

"So, Liam.", Christian said, ignoring the tension in the air - or maybe just not noticing it. "You coming to the party Friday?"

"Absolutely!", I said, as enthusiastic as humanly possible. "Wouldn't miss it for the world." I looked over to Zayn a wicked grin on my lips, that I couldn't control.

Harry shoved his elbow between my ribs, giving me a disapproving look. "Stop it, Liam.", he hissed, only for the two of us to hear. "Just because you can't be happy, you don't have the right to ruin someone else's happiness."

I rolled my eyes. He was over-interpreting this. I wasn't trying to ruin their happiness. They weren't together, right? Christian was up for grabs - and hot as hell! I had to try, at least.

But it was forlorn hope. Christian obviously didn't fancy me one bit. He was just being nice, because he thought Zayn and I were friends - Zayn's friends equalled his friends.

That made it sound like Zayn and I weren't friends anymore. We were though, right? I looked at him suddenly shaken to the core. I had disappeared without a word after having slept with him - one of my best friends - and never mentioned it again. Maybe it was just Louis who had invited me to their party. Maybe every hope of getting back together with Zayn - in whatever way - was lost. For good.