Finding The Courage (a Ziam Mayne AU)

Chapter Twenty-Two "Apologies"

Liam's POV

When we were almost at Louis' house I saw Zayn standing in the distance, in the middle of the freezing winter air, only wearing a t-shirt. He was talking to someone.

Christian.

I stopped and stared at them, as Christian leaned in to give him a kiss.

Harry pulled on my arm when wanted to turn around. "No.", he ordered. "They're friends. They do this all the time, you know that. You're here to talk. And that's what you're going to do now."

I watched as Zayn went back into the house and let out an angry moan. "Fine."

Chrissy was the first one to notice us. "What are you doing here?"

Zayn flung around and stared at me, dropping the pillow he was holding, his eyes full of emotions.

Next to me Louis slammed into Harry, pulling him off his feet, spinning him around like he weighed nothing at all. "Morning, Hazza.", he breathed, pressing his nose against Harry's chin.

"Morning? It's like three in the afternoon.", Harry said and kissed him, smiling like a total fool. I suddenly felt a warmth rising in my chest. It felt so good to see him happy.

"I came to talk.", I clarified for Chrissy and Zayn who were still staring at me. I walked towards Zayn who looked at me like I was the last person he wanted to see right now, but I ignored it. "Please.", I said, now very quietly. "Can we talk somewhere in private?"

"You mean like yesterday?", he snarled, for everyone in the room to hear.

"Please, Zayn.", I begged, ignoring everybody staring at us.

We went into a guest chamber and he closed the door behind us. "What is it?"

I swallowed hard. Where do I start? "I saw you outside, with Christian." Wrong start! I wasn't going to bring it up but jealousy got the best of me.

"So what?!", Zayn snapped, giving me a disgusted look.

I returned it. "Well, what's the deal with you two, anyways? Acting like a couple but you're not together? That's just so childish!"

"We're not a couple.", he retorted, turning bright red.

"Why not? Isn't he just perfect?", I spat the words out like they were poison. "All cuddly and cute and adorable?!"

"And he's in love with me!", he shouted and it sounded almost like an accusation. He put a hand over his mouth as if he shouldn't have said that.

I let out a frustrated moan."How would he love you?!"

"Fuck you, Liam! Is it that unbelievable to you that someone could love me?!"

Right now, my lips were saying: "Of course I think someone could love you!" But my head was screaming: I just know he doesn't love you like I do!, my heart yelling: But I loved you first!.

I love you.

I couldn't say it. I was so close to saying it and it scared the living daylights out of me.

"Talk to me, you idiot!", he yelled, clumsily punching me in the chest. "You came to talk, so talk. Stop making fun of me and say whatever you wanted to say, so we can go our separate ways again!"

Separate ways...

"I don't want to go separate ways.", I whispered, grabbing his wrists, making it harder for him to move.

"What?", he breathed, all the anger suddenly falling from his face, replaced by honest confusion.

"I hate this.", I said, letting go off his hands as he started twisting them in pain. "I hate us hating each other. I hate not being with you. I hate the way you've been looking at me. It's killing me."

He let his arms fall to his sides like all the life had left them and just stared at me. His eyes were empty, all the colour had been drained from them.

My gaze was drawn to his slightly parted lips while I slowly walked towards him, one step at a time. "I can't go on like this."

He had been taking steps backwards for every step I took towards him until the wall forced him to stop. I placed my hands on either side of his face to make him look at me. "I'm sorry I hurt you.", I whispered as carefully and as honestly as I could.

"What does this mean, then?" His eyes were locked on mine, like he wasn't able to look anywhere else.

Everything. I leaned forward. He gasped slightly before our lips touched and I pressed my whole body against his. His lips tasted of cigarets and his skin was still cold from standing outside without a jacket.

I had been waiting to do this for so long. I impatiently ran my hands along his arms, over his back. I couldn't stop. I was in a rush, my blood was racing through my body and all I could think about were his tender lips touching mine.

Zayn put a hand on my chest and gently pushed me back a little. "Liam..."

I awoke from my trance and looked at him, tenderly. "What is it?"

"I will forgive you.", he mumbled, his warm breath tingling my cheek. "But I need you to tell me something."

I nodded slowly.

"What do you feel for me?"