Dear Caspar

Dear Caspar,

I'm not sure what caused my break down,

maybe it was you,

and realizing I will never talk to you,

or maybe it was life in general,

me knowing I will never make it.

Most girls know they won't meet their idol,

but for the ones,

who put all their faith into a person,

who doesn't even know their name,

it's a heart breaking realization.

You wanna know what I hate?

It's not what you may think I'm going to say....

I hate storms;

I absolutely despise them.

The worst part is I don't know why,

so I cant stop it.

I think it's the worst,

when you don't know why you're sad,

because people get mad at you,

for not saying how they can help,

when you don't even know yourself.

I only like a few people.

You,

Spring,

and my dad.

I hate my mom,

she doesn't get anything,

everything has to be perfect when in reality,

nothing is.

Is it bad that I go to bed,

praying to not wake up?

I feel as if thats bad.

I thank you for keeping me alive for this long,

but I don't want to live.

I'll probably stay a bit longer,

ya know?

To see if things turn around...

But thats the problem with people like me,

we put too much faith into things that,

will only break us in the end.

You aren't like me,

I hope.

You are someone I can talk to,

to depend on,

someone who will listen,

and someone who will understand,

even though you won't read this...

You can be,

and are the person,

that millions of people look up too.

And for that,

I love you.

So love always,

October.

~~~~~

i hope you enjoyed this even though i know it was horrible

i love you all and thank you for getting dear joe to almost 15k reads and 1k votes; thats mental!

ily all xx :)