Dear Caspar

Dear Caspar,

Another week passed,

another week of your videos,

and my social anxiety.

I find myself,

zoning out a lot,

while at school.

The only thoughts that go through my brain,

are ones that would scare the shit,

out of anyone.

My mum has noticed my distance,

and has booked an appointment.

I don't want to talk to someone,

that my mum pays,

to tell me things,

I already know.

But sadly,

I am not being given a choice.

I also,

don't want to say anything too drastic,

in fear of giving myself up.

Anyways,

I had to run out of a class the other day,

cause something hit me,

and I almost let out a sob.

I;m sure that will be a great thing,

to talk about on Monday.

I was watching old videos of you,

and might I say,

you where much happier back then.

And your hair was much blonder...

It's odd,

cause now it's brown,

and dark,

like my soul.

I see that quote everywhere.

I hate when people,

who are perfectly happy,

post sad quotes,

for attention.

Yet when we,

actually depressed kids,

post things like that,

we get hated on.

Society's fucked.

I need to scream,

like right now.

My head pounding,

and I feel sick.

So I'm going to do something.

Stay safe Caspar,

please...

You mean so much to millions of people,

to me.

You're the reason I'm still alive,

so I'm not sure to thank you,

or hate you.

But at the moment,

I love you,

you're the only one that hasn't left...

Please don't leave.

No matter how hypocritical that is,

because I want to leave,

I need you here.

So yes,

I'm a selfish bitch,

but so is everyone else.

Sincerely,

or love,

October <3

~~~~~

hope you enjoyed,

comment your thoughts..!

things to come *evil giggles*

"sometimes things get to much,

and our fake smiles,

turn into real frowns."