Lost Stars

Chapter Sixteen

-Allen-

I was haunted by that night for almost a week. I can't survive a day at work without thinking about her face, her voice, her touch, her kiss. I wanted to bang my head every time I recall her reason for leaving me and my mind is twisted whether it's better if I didn't met her again or I was glad I finally have answers to all my skepticism.

Where will I start my life again? I begun cleaning my untidy apartment with my attempt to think everything over. I rented a unit near the bar where we've met. I occupied the fourth floor and I can see the busy street through my window. I found myself staring nowhere for hours until my dog, July started licking my feet.

"I have to talk to Jesse right?"

July whined at me. He must be hungry now and he's telling me to feed him first before he answer my question. He started barking.

"Alright! I won't leave you tonight, I won't get home drunk." I said and his bark grows louder.

"What? Maybe next week. I know! We really have to talk about the kids! Alright fine and about my drinking problem too!" I replied.

I must have been a real lunatic now talking to my dog about what I'd do with my life. I wonder why I didn't bother asking for her number again, or her BBM pin if she still have one. How can I see her again? Or should I ? I gave a ring to Khaled. Two hours later he was by my doorstep. We've become really close after what happened to me, I somehow felt lifeless without him. He is the one reminding me to get on with my life. We're actually July's parents, and I don't care how gay that sounds. He's a year old chocolate labrador with blue eyes.

"July buddy! How are yah?" July is wagging his tail as he opens the door. He sat on the floor and played with him for a while. I was sitting on the couch waiting for them to finish their routine.

"I'll play with you too Casper." He looked at me.

"Fuck off." I replied. He stood up and went to the fridge to get two bottles of beer and sat next to me. July followed him. I turned on the tv.

"What now? You wanna get back with Jesse?" He asked.

"No. It's not about Jesse." I answered. He offered me the beer and I immediately shook my head refusing his offer.

"Is it about work? I told you quit it and get back with photography. You don't like beer or are you still drunk?" He was asking a bunch.

"No, I'm not, I am sober for five days now, and yeah I'm thinking about quitting. But I don't know what I'd do next." I confessed.

"Quit your boring job and start painting again, we're going to join an exhibit, you and the rest of the gang." He drinks his beer.

"Khaled, I saw Hansel again." I bowed my head.

He's the one who made me confess my feelings to her, he's also the one who made me give up on her. Now, I am not really sure if I'd follow his advise regarding her. He was shock though. I don't rely on him totally but his advise is almost the same as the way I look at things. Whatever, it's his fault.

"Hansel the dentist? She's alive?" He put down the bottle and carried July. He rested on his lap.

"Asshole."

"Is this why you're sober again?" He's serious face is on.

"I, maybe..well I guess.. Yeah.. you can say that." I stutter with just his simple question.

"What is it with her that makes you go crazy and all?" He is playing with July's hair.

"Stop asking me questions Inker, tell me what to do." I demanded.