Until We Go To Sleep (Jeff the Killer)

Chapter Four

Chapter four

I sat up and I just started stuttering and heavily talking in between small breaths.

"God I'm so sorry because I tried to see you earlier but then something was haunting me and I couldn't help myself but try to find you and then it attacked me twice and I couldn't sleep and I-"

Jeff put his hand over my mouth and shushed me.

He giggled.

"It's fine. It was just Smile poking fun at you. But..." His bubbly mood shifted to sad.

"I called you here for a different reason. A problem that occurred this morning and well, yesterday."

I looked puzzled and held my arms close my sides. Yet my body was loose like jelly.

"What?"

He got on his knees and stayed close. He grabbed my arms and pulled them out gently.

"Don't act like I don't know."

There showed my bright red wrists.

Oh god I felt ashamed.

I wanted to crawl up in a ball and die.

"I didn't mean to I mean I'm sorry I really am I just-"

"SHILOH."

"Sorry..." I said filled with regret.

He sighed and looked at me.

I couldn't look him in the eye.

"But why? Is there something wrong with me?"

"What? No" I struggled." It's just a real life thing. Something you might not know."

Wait.

Fuck.

I really said that.

He looked frustrated and let my arms go.

"Oh I'm sorry I really am. I didn't mean it that way and you know that. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore...."

Jeff picked up the new knife he'd sharpened.

"Shi, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course." I gave full attention.

"Why do you hurt yourself?"

I looked at him and then the wall. I didn't glance back at him.

"I have my reasons." Answering his question.

"Care to share?"

"No"

"No?"

"Why do YOU hurt yourself? Always opening up the slits on your face isn't healthy."

He smiled and rubbed his face.

"There's a difference between you and me. When I do it, it doesn't hurt."

I sighed.

"We'll I still have my own reasons to do it. I appreciate that you care but-"

"Don't give me that bullshit speech that you give to everyone else." He snarled. "In case you don't remember me telling you this, I know your life. Almost everything about you."

I tensed up and I was suddenly uncomfortable. I was almost looking for a way out. I knew he was flustered with me, but I've never seen him like that before. I usually say whatever to make him happy, but not now. I was trying to be honest with him but for this, it's hard.

"I know." I said in a low tone, staring at the ground. "It's just hard. It's an addiction. I try to stop. I really do..."

He sat next to me and laid his head on my shoulder. He was thinking.

Only I could piss a person off enough to make them stop talking to me.

I hope he doesn't hate me. But it's ok if he does. He didn't understand. I could tell he didn't. I dont even understand me sometimes.

But I summed up the words.

"It's an emotional relief." I choked out.

He looked at me oddly. "Why?" Almost resembling a child asking questions.

"So I don't....kill myself."

"But I thought that's why people cut them selves." He explained. "To kill themselves."

I smiled fraudulently. "Sometimes I do it to do that. But as you can see, it's not- ..." I choked up "it's not working."

I turned my head and put a fist against my mouth to hold whatever tears in

He sighed deeply and cuddled into my side. " give me a day to think ok?"

He paused and watched as my face turned pale and pink from embarrassment and misery.

"I'll always be here in your dreams"

I shuddered. "No please, not yet."

He laid his head and my eyes opened. I was in bed and I woke up at 5:47.

Now that I told him, I need him now more than ever.

Today's going to be the roughest day of my life.