Agony

The Kick Of a Baby {3}

Author's Note:// This chapter has been redone probably 7 times, I'm pretty sure that it is also going to be a little different than usual because it's even been deleted, and I lost my rough draft. Why does my laptop hate me? So sorry it took so long to edit.

Ultrasound of Jaxon's baby above or to the side

(EDITED)
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I haven't smiled a real honest smile in years. The day I caught a whiff of my mate I was too arrogant to put a smile on my face. Even though I should have, because after I smelt that blood on her I wasn't going to ever have a real smile again in a long time. Faking a smile was something that I learned how to do in my very early years of becoming an Alpha.

People have this idea that you are a rude person if you don't smile at them when they are trying to be kind or respectful towards you. Well I was tired of being called rude, there was nothing to smile at! Just because someone is being nice doesn't mean I should smile because of what they consider to be socially correct.

There is something about babies though, that can make anyone smile. It doesn't matter if you are depressed, angry, or just having a bad day, just one look at a baby giggling at you and you melt. All babies have this trait that makes them completely adorable and can just make you smile.

While I was in the doctor's office with Kayla we looked at the ultrasound and I saw my baby. We had just found out that my child was a boy and at the time I was just so happy with the idea that my boy is just sitting in her stomach waiting to come out and say hi to his daddy. My heart fluttered in anticipation and I was just so excited to meet that baby boy.

What made me smile though wasn't the ultrasound picture it was something as simple as the kick my baby made. Seeing a picture of my baby and feeling his tiny legs pound on his mother's stomach either because he's bored or because he wants to say hello are two completely different things. Sure the picture made me happy but I interacted with my child when he used his tiny but powerful legs to kick at his mother's belly for attention.

My smile was tearful when I felt him kick at my hand. He's so strong for a baby, so powerful, and he's my little powerful baby boy. No powerful force is as strong as my pride for that boy. No magic is great enough as the magic that I felt building inside of me as I felt that boy kick.

I'm going to be a father soon and that thought brought me to my knees. It shook me through my entire being and I felt like I was worth something for once in my life. My little boy was going to make me very happy and so very proud and I couldn't help the tearful laugh that crawled up my throat. My glassy eyes watered as tears ran down my cheeks. Most people would assume that a person like me has never cried before but the truth is in my miserable life of mine I cried more than I smiled.

This boy was bringing out different emotions in me and I was already falling in love with the idea of being a dad. My heart was warming as I thought about playing hide and seek with him. Asking him about how his day at school went. Helping my son through his very first crush. Meeting his very first girlfriend and I cried even more.

Kayla placed her hands on my cheeks looking down at me but I flinched. At this moment I tried very hard not to ruin this. No matter how many times I told myself not to think about the negatives. My smile eventually disappeared and I was just sobbing.

"Kayla please forgive me."

Repeating that over and over as I continued to sob.

The woman in front of me has given me so much and she deserves so much better than the way I've been treating her. The way I've been treating my child's mother like she was an object instead of a kind, strong-willed woman with a good heart.

Kayla looked at me though and the way she looked at me looked like she was about to cry for me and because of me.

Crying my heart out to the woman who thinks I'm in love with her. To the person who wants me to be indulged in her and only her. Kayla's eyes are glassy as she listens to my sob and pleads for her not to take my baby away. She listens to me as I tell her everything and as I plead and cry that I care for her just not the way I wished I did. Telling her that if I could love another female the way I did Samantha then I would love her. Crying out to her about how I wanted to be her friend and how I trust her. How she couldn't make me feel better if she tried but at least she tried with me.

Crying and sobbing like a child on their knees begging for candy. The only thing that I want is for her to spare me, my child, to let me have someone I can help instead of destroy. Begging her to let me be selfish one more time so I can better myself.

Kayla fell onto her knees and wrapped her arms around me. Her arms didn't comfort me they made me cry even more because the only person I want to hold and for them to me is Samantha, my very dead mate. Kayla was trying though and I was going to try for her too.

"When you find your mate be with him, don't ever and I mean ever take them for granted." Kayla nodded in my shoulder a single tear falling onto my shoulder.

"I promise Jaxon."

She whispered in my ear and although I would miss her I want her to be happy.

"I want you to be happy, you're a good person Kayla. I just need my baby."

"He'll live in this house with you no matter what Jaxon, of course, I'm going to be getting to see my baby boy every day that I can. He's going to spend time at my house on the weekends. Jaxon why didn't you tell me this before we got pregnant we could've talked about this and we could've come up with a plan, I don't want to lose my baby either."

Kayla was crying almost as much as I know and I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to do.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

We cried together locked in our embraces for a while even though it was discomforting this woman has done so much for me, it's time I did something for her.