My head is spinning. Of course she's got to obey me! How can I keep her safe if she won't do what I tell her? She doesn't realize what a fucked up place the world is. She has to obey me. I have to make her see sense.
I follow her into the bedroom.
"Anastasia..."
But she doesn't let me finish.
"Christian, it doesn't matter what you say: I will not be obeying you." There's a deafening silence. "I'm going to work."
She picks up her briefcase and leaves the room. Again.
Fuck! She really means it.
She is so not going to walk away from me.
"Anastasia!"
I turn to follow her but she's already disappearing into the elevator with Sawyer and Taylor is waiting for me, pretending that he hasn't heard the tail-end of that exchange.
I move automatically, collecting my laptop, following Taylor into the elevator, climbing in the back of the SUV. But my brain is somewhere else, cartwheeling down the freeway - and I'm going to fucking crash.
I can't explain the panic I feel welling up in me. Anastasia doesn't understand! I can't live without rules, I just can't. Suddenly, I'm thrown back into all those feelings of a fucked up fifteen year old, spiraling out of control. I'm falling into this dark pit in slow motion and Ana's just cut my safety rope.
I feel the sweat break out all over my body and my breathing escalates rapidly. Fuck, I'm having a full on panic attack.
"Are you alright, sir?" says Taylor.
His dark eyes are watching me in the rear-view mirror.
"Yes," I say, curtly, although it's very far from the truth.
I take some deep breaths and try to get a fucking grip.
