On the way back to Escala, I walk slowly, going over his words. Can I do this? Can I find a way? I want to.
The apartment is quiet. There's a note on the breakfast bar.
"Have gone to spend the day with Kate. Girls' stuff. Miss you. Love, Your Ana xx"
My study is suddenly a refuge from the overwhelming pain I feel. When I hear her return, I don't look up.
"I'm back, Christian," she breathes.
I nod, hearing her sigh.
It's my dark night of the soul. I love her so much it scares me. Can I live without my precious rules? I don't know. But for her, I will try.
I sit at my desk and think of all the words I should say to her and slowly I write them down. I'd have engraved them on my stony heart if I could.
I solemnly vow that I will safeguard and hold dear and deep in my heart our union and you.
Yes, I will keep you safe, forever. I will never let you go.
I promise to love you faithfully, forsaking all others, through the good times and the bad, in sickness and in health, regardless of where life takes us.
I'll never want anyone else: only you, Anastasia. It's only ever been you. I will love you whatever life throws in our way, whichever road we travel.
I will protect you, trust you, and respect you.
You are so strong and brave. You have my respect. I will give you my trust. I will protect you, always.
I will share your joys and sorrows and comfort you in times of need.
I want to share your life, Anastasia. I want to hear your laugh and wipe away your tears. There will never be anyone else for me.
I promise to cherish you and uphold your hopes and dreams and keep you safe at my side.
I will give you the world, my Ana, and protect you from it, holding you every day of my life.
All that is mine is now yours.
I give it willingly, lovingly because without you, it is meaningless.
I give you my hand, my heart, and my love from this moment on for as long as we both shall live.
Always in my heart, my Ana. I love you.
