Love in the moment

finally home

I got home around 3. I threw my bag on the table and walked into the kitchen. "mom, you home ? " I yelled through the house. No answer. It's been like this for months. She's always at work or at the bar. My dad left when I was about 13 and my mom always blamed herself. She got into drinking, she loved me but she never had time. She went to work from 4 am-2:30 pm and then either went to the bar or came straight home and locked herself in her room . Guess she went to a bar.

I walked to the fridge and looked around for something to eat. I grabbed an apple and walked upstairs to my bedroom. I pulled out my phone and plopped on the bed. I scrolled through Facebook for about a half an hour. From down stairs i hear a laugh, but it wasn't my moms. I walked outta my room to the stair case, i looked down it and my mom was drunk hanging over some guy.. again. I walked down the stairs so i could make myself seen.

"oh Sam." my mother slurred. "I didn't know you were home." she slurred again but this time looking at the ground. I could tell she was sobering up a little and her sadness was starting to show.

"Sir, i think you should go." I darted a look at him as he shook his head, looking at me as if he understood. He turned around and walked right out the door. "Mom, come with me i whispered and took her hand. I walked her up the stairs and put her in her bed. I grabbed the bucket that i kept under her bed, i set it right by her side and walked into the bathroom. I grabbed some Aspirin and a glass of water. I sat it on her night stand and walked outta the room... What am i gonna do with her? i asked myself.

My phone buzzed, i pulled it outta my pocket and looked at who it was from. *Hannah(: * . I opened it and replied as fast as i could. About an hour later i got hungry again. I walked down stairs and looked through the cupboards for something. Finally I found Mac and cheese. I cooked it up, making sure there was enough for mom to have some when she was sober enough, and took mine up to my room. I sat on my bed and ate in silence, waiting for my phone to buzz. But it never did. After I got done I walked back down stairs and put my dishes in the sink. I heard a thud from upstairs. 'Mom must have fallen outta bed again' I ran upstairs to find my mom siting up and the puke bucket across the room, and her crying. I ran over to her and hugged her.
"Shhh, it's okay momma " I said and rubbed her back calming her down. "You hungry?" I asked, she shook her head yes and we walked downstairs. I heated up her mac and cheese and I gave her a cup I fresh coffee. She sat in silence still shaking a little be from crying. " mom?" I asked her. "Wanna go out tomorrow. We can go to a movie or something. We just need outta the house together. "
"Yeah that should be okay" she said and looked back down at her coffee. I handed her the Mac and cheese and she smiled me.

"how can you put up with me?" she asked looking down at her hands, not touching her food. "i mean i act like a troubled teen, i spend half my money in bars, and i guess im just a total screw up... you're father even thought so, thats why he left." she cried burying her face in her hands. I looked at her, i wondered if she really thought i thought she was a screw up. im 17 now, it didnt really hit her until last year when she went through the attic and found old photo albums with all our vacation pictures in them.

"mom." i said taking her face in my hands so she would look at me in the eyes, "you're not a screw up, thats not why dad left. he left because of his stupid mistakes." As i thought back to the reason he left it made me even more upset. when i was 13 my mom and dad would go out Friday nights, while i stayed home and cleaned the house or did homework or other things. He got "called into work" one night and he dropped my mom off at home. My mom and I decided maybe her and i should just eat some snacks and chill out on the couch and watch movies. My dad didn't get home till 4 am, i had fallen asleep on my moms lap. She slowly got up, careful to set my head on a pillow and not wake me up, but the movement woke me up. My dad walked into the house. his white shirt had lipstick marks around the neck, he moved trying to hide it from my mom. She walked over to him and kissed his cheek, but when she did she smelt perfume and it wasn't hers. she looked at him with confusion, but with that being all i could see or hear thats all i knew that happened.

shes been depressed ever since, and i dont blame her. "No samantha, its my fault he left" she cried harder. "mom! you didnt make him leave he chose the whore instead, do you see where he is now? he's in jail mom. he got arrested because of her.. none of this is your fault . " i said looking her straight in the eyes."lets put you back in bed. you need to get some sleep." She slowly got up, walked back upstairs, and shut her door. I cleaned up her dishes and about crawled up the stair. I was exhausted. I looked at my phone , 6:45. "gahhh" i said to myself and went into my room. I looked in the mirror and i looked gross. My long brown hair was sticking out and my normally green eyes were a grey color. I grabbed my Pajamas and a towel as i headed for the bathroom. i stripped off the clothes i was wearing and turned on the water and waited for it to get hot. once it was a good tempurature i jumped in and washed up. when i was done i dried off got dressed and threw my dirty clothes in the hamper. i looked at myself in the mirror. the bags under my eyes were getting worse and it was only 8:15. i brushed my teeth and then my hair and jumped into bed. slowly drifting off into a dreamless sleep.