Begin Again

10 - Break

Hunter

It was nice waking up to her faint candy scent.

"Let me just lie like this for a while." I said, snuggling into her neck.

She squirmed. I stopped doing it, and sat straight.

The credits rolled, excruciatingly slow.

"Elle.."
My hand inched closer to hers. I feel like I've waited long enough to make a move. I want her.. to feel something for me.

She pulled her arms away from me suddenly. They were balled into fists.

"Don't." she eyed me warily.

She was scared and/or disturbed. This wasn't good, annoying thoughts started to cloud his mind.

"Are you seriously afraid of me?" I asked.
"Me, Elle? Me!?"

She stared back at me in the darkness with this alert-ness, and even though it was dark, he could see it was like she was ready to run at anytime, her face unchanging besides her slightly pulled-together brows.

"Why would you even be afraid.." It came out sounding a bit annoyed, even though I tried to cover it up. My throat started to go dry as the lump formed. Suddenly I was very uncomfortable and irritated, she had reminded again about the stupid memories-that-are-related-to-me erase thing she went through. It didn't fail to get under my skin.

After all, I told her stories of the past everyday, brought her her favourite foods and bought her gifts. I visited her all the time. How can she not trust me? Aren't I already being the best kind of man? No, I guess it all boils down to time.

Memories. Just because she forgot the memories she had with me, now even someone like that Eric Luree is remembered as closer to her than me. I felt like strangling that soft neck.

"Whatever," I said as I stood up to pack up the food and other things. "No matter what I do, it's gonna be like this, eh? I've been nothing but good to you and you still are not sure who I am, whether you should trust me or not."

The bitterness dripping from my voice sounded unprofessional and not like me.
Just like older times, she has made me.. act not like me.
Why did I have to like her so?

"Hunter... I-"

"It's fine, it's fine. It just hurts. I.. can't do this anymore. I'm not the guy in the movies waiting at your beck and call forever till you remember. I'm only human."

"Hunter I'm sor-"

"It's just sad." I interrupted her again. My voice cracked a little. Overthinking. Frustrated.

As I pushed open the doors to the hospital hall, I felt her fingers gently touching my shoulder to stop me. "Hunter, wait." she began saying again, gently pulling me to face her. In that instant, I let go of the door, grabbed her hand, turned 'round to her, held the side of her face with my other hand and kissed her on her forehead. Things seemed to play in slow motion too as I let her go and apologized.

Too many emotions were in my head.
She really makes me lose my mind.

Besides blushing, she kept quiet for the rest of the time up until I wished her goodnight and left. I guess I did act a little pushy and off, but that's just because she doesn't and cannot recall how close we are. Maybe I'm being too emotional.

*****

I never really dream, just peacefully sleep. It's the way I like sleep. But that night, exhausted and saddened, I had a dream for once.

It was just a blurry version of a memory from a couple of years ago. We were chilling in my beautifully renovated basement, where the air smelled of lavender.

"I have a surprise for you," I was trying to hold back my grin from the silliness of what I was going to do.
"Okay.." she said, sounding reluctant.
The movie was just starting that time. The first of the logos before the movies appeared. I had a plan, every time the screen goes dark, I would plant a kiss on her cheek.

I didn't really think it through though, I had just thought about it. How would she react?

First peck: she didn't really react, she looked at me for a while, then looked away. I guess her analysis of that scene was done and she counted it as nothing.

Second peck: she smiled a little and said "This is silly."

Third peck: She looked at me and sighed cutely.

Fourth peck: She looked in the opposite direction to hide the red on her cheeks, just before I leaned in to kiss her. I accidentally kissed the side of her head, on her hair.

Fifth peck: "How many times are you gonna do that?"
"Until the screen stops getting dark after a logo."

"..this movie seems to have an awful amount of logos."
"Oh no, I checked. There's not as many as I'd like." I said slyly.
"Oh you'd just love a billion more logos wouldn't you."

She was quiet but her mouth twitched a little as she suppressed a smile.
At the 7th peck (which was the last, but she didn't know that), my lips touched a wet cheek.

"What's wrong?" I asked, confused.

Wasn't this date going really well?

She took a deep breath and just said it, "Hunter, I don't wanna be your doll. I'm going home. I can't do this anymore." she said while slowly standing up and grabbing her brown ruffles slingbag. The words pierced my heart.

I was deeply hurt.

"Look here.." I began.