You're My Bad Boy

Chapter 7

Ok so I was right. I tried committing suicide and now I'm getting help. 3 times a week. For 4 months. It's like I'm never gonna have time for anything. I still have time for Jake but he's stuck at school while I might be at the counseling thing.

What I did was a really dick move. And when people find out about it, they just can't leave it alone. Just gotta keep talking about it. It's like come on! Don't make me feel worse than what I already feel!!

I had made a couple of friends at the counseling. Not all of them were there for trying to commit suicide. This one kid looked like he got hit by a bus. His hair was always messed up and he wore big clothes that looked dirty all the time.
Then there was this girl who was scared of everything. When I tried talking to her, she started whimpering and backing away. I just shrugged and walked away. Some of the people looked like they just hated life. Some looked like they just wanted to strangle someone. They all looked a certain way.

I sat down in my chair waiting for the session to start so I could go see Jake. I missed him 24/7.

If I wasn't with him, I started missing him like crazy. Couldn't stop thinking about him for 1 second if I tried!

The counselor who was supposed to be helping us and getting us through this hard time as they call it, walked in and sat in his chair. He didn't say anything at first. He just stared at all of us. Weird.

"Welcome! I'm glad you all decided to come back. Now, first we will be saying our names and trying to get to know each other a little better. I know you guys already know each other but you don't understand each other. So, who would like to start?"

And of course we all just sat there, not wanting to go first. Finally someone spoke up.

"Hey. I'm Blake. I'm new here as you can see. I'm in here for suicidal attempt. Yeah it was a bad thing but come on, I'm not gonna do it again. And I don't think this group is gonna help me at all."

He leaned back in his chair, crossed his arms, and was quiet. And he was right, I never realized he was new here. I decided to speak up. If he had the guts I could too. What he said was actually true. I believed every word.

"Hello. I'm Rose and I've been here once or twice. I'm in here for suicidal attempt also and to be honest I agree with Blake. I'm not gonna do it again, and I really don't want to be here right now. This is the last place I want to be right now."

The counsel shook his head. "It's alright. I understand."

I hated when he said that. He didn't understand shit. He doesn't know what it's like to feel alone and empty.

I stomped my foot and my face turned red.

"What do you mean you understand? You understand the pain we feel? You understand what it's like to be alone? To actually feel the knife cutting through your flesh and letting the blood run? And doing it over and over again until there's nothing left!!! Until your body is left in a pool of blood. You don't understand a damn thing. To loose a sister who was only 7 years old. To have a dad who won't even talk to you and who doesn't know his other daughter is dead. Who's mother ditched your dad for another man. You don't understand a goddamn thing. So why don't you shut your mouth and stop trying to say you understand everything because you don't."

I pushed my chair back and walked out of the door. I didn't plan on coming back to this group anytime. I walked down the hallway and just walked. I didn't know where I was going but I didn't care.

"Hey! Wait up!"

I turned around and saw that Blake  kid running towards me.