A/N- Guy's please know I am not blaming anyone In this chapter. What happened is just the steps we needed to take in order to be where we are now. Love you guy's!
The rest of the say was mostly just sitting and listening to stupid rules. I got on the bus and immediately put my headphones in. I listened to Green Day for the rest of the afternoon up until dinner. My mom made macaroni and cheese. Nice :)
Of course she started off with the age old question. "How was school?" I thought about telling her the truth. Telling her about the stares. About the voice. What it says to me.
How it's hurt me for years. But then I thought about what she would think of me...
"It was good." I said with a plastered smile, "It was pretty boring. We just went over rules."
"Oh, cool." She said in a casual tone. Then she started telling me about her day. How her new 3rd grade students were crap head's. After I finished eating, I went ahead and took my shower, brushed my teeth, and went to bed.
The next day I went to school and I couldn't wait till lunch. I was actually excited to talk to someone. That's a first. When the bell finally rang for lunch, I rushed to the cafeteria and quickly got my food.
I looked around for Jenika. I spotted her at a different lunch table today. With different people. I considered going over there to sit with them, but then the voice came. There's WAY too many people over there. They will judge you so much, and you won't be able to handle it, because you're WEAK. You're WEAK and PATHETIC. No one likes you.
So before I had a breakdown in the middle of school, I quickly went to the empty spot I sat at yesterday, got the blade out, and made the thin line on my wrist. I'm worthless. I'm stupid. Why did I even think she would like me? I looked up at the other table. They were looking at me and shaking thier heads. A couple of them even looked like they were smirking and laughing at me. I made another thin line. I looked up again. I realized that there were teachers walking around. I quickly put the blade away and wiped my arm off. I put my jacket on. After about 2 minutes, my arm felt wet. I looked at it and saw two lines of blood. Dang it. I asked a teacher if I could use the restroom.
Once I was in front of the mirror, I checked to make sure there was no one in the stalls. Then I burst into tears. I looked into the mirror. All I could see was a monster. An ugly beast. A worthless thing that shouldn't be on this earth. Then I though of my mom. And my dad. And my brothers. They need me. They would be broken inside without me. I just have to remind myself of that every day.
I washed my face so my eyes wouldn't be so red. I suddenly realized my arm felt tingly. I quickly removed my jacket and started washing my arm. I looked at the sleeve of my jacket. It was soaked in blood. I cut too deep. Now there would be a scar. Great.
I finally got my arm to stop tingling and to stop bleeding. I stared trying to was the blood off my sleeve. I suddenly heard footsteps. Quickly, I rinsed the sink out and folded up my jacket. I was almost out when I bumped into a girl. She looked at me in disgust. I shook it off and hurried back to the lunch room.
I sat in my "spot" alone until the bell rang. One thought was in my head. Only 2 words. Alone again.
