Months passed by. Jenika had continued to sit at the "other table". I continued to do self harm, like burning and cutting. I had been smarter about it, though. I didn't do it in plain sight for everyone to see. I did it late at night when I recapped all the events of that day. If it was a really bad day and I couldn't forget the pain and the voice was mocking me I would just do it on the bus. Nobody noticed. Nobody cared.
I also didn't cut as deep. A couple of days after the incident I had in the cafeteria, I realized I couldn't feel my arm. Idiot, you cut a nerve, The voice said. You're so stupid. Again, it told the truth. Now I can't feel certain things on my arm.
It was October, the start of sweater season. Good. Now I don't have to wear a bunch of hair ties and bracelets on my wrist. They were starting to make my cuts open up and start to bleed again.
One day I decided to wear simple jeans, a t-shirt, and a hoodie. I stepped outside and realized it wasn't even that cold. Stupid Texas. When it's supposed to be chilly, it was still an average temperature of 84 degrees.
I walked into the front doors of the school and went straight to Spanish class. We had 8 periods throughout the day. Spanish, English, Gym, Science, Lunch, Reading, Band, Tx History, and Math.
I went to Spanish and English with no problems. Then I had to go to Gym and I realized that I couldn't wear my jacket over my Gym shirt. The coaches wouldn't let me, since we weren't going outside today. I also didn't have my bracelets and hair ties to cover my arm. Everyone would see my cuts and burns. I suddenly felt light headed and dizzy. I sat down and thought about what I should do. There was nothing at all to cover up my arms.
I decided to just not draw attention to it. Try to block them with my other arm as much as I could. I quickly changed into my Gym uniform. And went into the gym to stretch. Today we were playing Arena Football. Fun. I stayed a good distance away while the others played. It was too early in the morning to play Football.
We finally went back into the locker room to change. I was changing my shirt when this random 6th grader came up to me. "Are you okay? I saw your arm and I just wanted to make sure you weren't hurting yourself." I looked around for an escape. "Oh, I'm fine," I said. "I have a cat at home that doesn't really like me and sometimes I burn myself when I'm cooking." "Oh, ok. I was just making sure." She looked at me like she didn't believe me. I honestly didn't care if she believed me or not. I just wanted her to leave. I mean, it gets pretty awkward really quickly when some random person walks up to you and tries to have a conversation with you while you're shirtless.
She finally walked away right as the bell rang. I quickly slid my shirt on and slipped my shoes on my feet. I grabbed my stuff and walked to the science building while thinking about if that little girl really cared...
