A Brand New Little Britain Episode

Lou and Andy - Haircut

NARRATOR (V/O):

Britain! Briton! Britain! The best place to live on the world! Why the human race ever wanted to go and explore and, what's worse, live there, I will never know. But what makes this island better than the rest of the world? Well, it's the people of Britain, of course, and that's the best main attraction on this show! Glory to God!

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EXT. HERBY – STREET – DAY

Lou is pushing Andy down the street very quiet and all alone.

NARRATOR (V/0):

Lou and Andy are walking in the streets in this very busy and heaving town of Herby.

A sexy young tan lady in a green dress approaches Lou.

LADY:

Hi, Lou. How are you?

LOU:

Very good, thanks, luv. You look lovely. You're going somewhere nice?

LADY:

Yes, on my honeymoon to the Caribbean. I only brought it today.

Meanwhile, Andy finishes chewing his chewing gum so he spits on the lady's dress.

LOU:

Well, have a great time.

LADY:

Thank you.

Lou pushes Andy on, leaving the lady to wonder how the chewing gum got on her dress.

INT. HAIRDRESSERS – DAY

Lou and Andy are looking at two groups of pictures on the wall. On the left is the group of example hairstyles and the right has pictures of animals.

LOU:

Have you decided what haircut you like?

ANDY:

(Points without looking) Yeah, I want that one.

Lou walks to the picture Andy pointed and he sees a horse.

LOU:

That one? But that's a horse.

ANDY:

Yeah, I know.

LOU:

You want your hair to be like a horse?

ANDY:

No, just its tail.

LOU:

Well, that'll be a right kerfuffle. Besides, I thought you weren't picky with hairstyles. I thought you said that hairstyles were a complete waste of time and uses a lot of unnecessary resources from the world therefore damaging it.

ANDY:

Yeah, I know.

LOU:

(Moving to the left hand side) Well, let's move to the left hand side. Now which one do you want from these?

ANDY:

(Points to the same one) I told you, that one!

LOU:

Are you sure?

ANDY:

Yeah!

LOU:

All right. If you say so.

LATER...

The hairdresser finishes with Andy. Lou and Andy look in the mirror and see that Andy is completely bald with only a horse's tail design on the back of his head.

HAIRDRESSER:

That'll be £12.50, please.

LOU:

(Giving him the money) There you go. (Goes back to Andy) Well, Andy, what do you think?

ANDY:

I don't like it.

Lou angrily grabs a fire extinguisher and bangs his head with it.