A Brand New Little Britain Episode

Lou and Andy - The Jig is Up

EXT. ANDY'S FLAT – DAY

Lou is walking up to Andy's flat.

NARRATOR (V/O):

After spending a sleepless night from taking too many sleeping pills, Lou is on his way to his friend Andy's.

INT. ANDY'S FLAT – DAY

Andy, in his wheelchair, is watching monster trucks. Lou comes in.

LOU:

Morning, Andy.

ANDY:

Morning, Pooh.

LOU:

Lou!

ANDY:

Yeah, I know.

LOU:

Well, I'll get your breakfast on. Is there anything you want me to do before I start?

ANDY:

Yeah, I want you to put a DVD in.

LOU:

Okay. (He bends down and gets out two DVDs). Which one do you want?

ANDY:

(Points without looking) That one.

LOU:

That one? But that one is Battlefield: Earth.

ANDY:

Yeah, I know.

LOU:

But you don't like that film. You said it ruined John Travolta's career and everyone who made it was wasting their time.

ANDY:

Yeah, I know.

LOU:

Well, how about a better film? How about Frozen?

ANDY:

(Points to the same one) I want that one!

LOU:

(Under his breath) Make your damn mind up!

Lou puts the DVD in and the movie plays.

ANDY:

I don't like it.

LOU:

Well, I'm sorry, but if I don't get your breakfast on, the later meals are going to be right kerfuffles.

ANDY:

Yeah, I know.

LOU:

Well, I'll come and sort this out later.

Lou goes to the kitchen. Andy gets out of his wheelchair and sorts out the DVDs.

LOU (CONT'D/OOV):

Oh, I just forgot to check the electricity board. I don't want to... ANDY?

Andy jumps, turns around and sees that a shocked Lou has been watching.

LOU (CONT'D)

You can walk? And I have spent my entire time looking after a spoilt –

ANDY:

(Gets up quickly) No! It's not what you think!

LOU:

Yeah, right! Well, I'm calling the Police to come here and arrest you! You're doomed, my old friend!

Lou wastes no time going to the phone. Andy quickly runs to the kitchen. He creeps up behind Lou with a frying pan.

PHONE OPERATOR (V/O):

Hello. Police.

LOU:

Hello, I'd like to report a –

Andy hits Lou's head with the pan. Lou falls to the floor, unconscious.

PHONE OPERATOR (V/O):

Hello? Hello?

ANDY:

(Picks up the phone). The thief that invaded here is gone somewhere up north.

He puts the phone down.

LATER...

Poor Lou gets up, but he doesn't feel great.

LOU:

Oh! What a nightmare! Andy? Where are you?

He finds Andy sitting in his wheelchair.

ANDY:

I'm here and I still haven't had any breakfast yet!

LOU:

(Looks at his watch). Oh, my gosh. It's 10:30! I'm sorry. I'll get to it straight away. Oh, what a kerfuffle!

Lou goes to the kitchen. ANGLE ON: Andy, wiping his forehead.

ANDY:

Phew! (To Lou) Don't forget to make me some ice cream for afters!

NARRATOR (V/O):

And so our voyage around Britain has come to an end. This has been the best documentary series in the world. Only foreigners will disagree. To prove them wrong, check out our next episode next week. Good off!