[A/N]: I wrote this because suddenly, zombies. Hopefully this will be a success. You'll see where I'm going with this soon enough.
FILE ONE
http://www.[INFORMATIONREDACTED].com DIA’S AMAZIBLOG Saturday, June 15, 2011 @ 12:29 pm
Well, zombies. Fantastic.
Hi, internet. Call me Dia. No, that isn’t my real name. I’m a spectacularly intelligent young lady who lives in America and enjoys hacking into the U.S. government from time to time with the help of my bros and broskettes. If you’re a very high up American muckity-muck, you know who we are. If you browse /b/, you know who we are.
Yeah, that’s who we are. No, FBI, you can’t find me. We’ve gathered the money and taken the precautions to make sure you don’t. Not bad for a bunch of pubescent brats, eh?
Oh, yeah. Zombies. Um.
Internet, I think you should know that we (yep, we) found something interesting hidden deep within the bowels of a gov’t file that I wouldn’t dare give the name of lest terrorists get any wrong ideas (USA, USA! We may be considered cyber terrorists, but we’re not, we wouldn’t dare use any info against America. We live there and are minors, we’d be screwed) that disclosed the information of subject #.0000. A zombie. Actually, an attempt to create a synthetic human from scratch gone horribly, horribly, horribly wrong. Anyway! I’m gonna dumb it down a bit for you folks- basically, they used a certain type of pathogen to get the brain stimulated and functioning. Course, if you’ve ever watched any movie ever, that wasn’t such a good idea.
This is a person-made-person. Thus, the people that made the person got to make a few adjustments to the person to make this person better than normal people. That is, stronger bones, extra muscles, et cetera. Too bad they screwed up on the brain, making him incredibly violent and a complete psycho. Oh, and the pathogen is contagious, spread by saliva. Typical, huh?
Luckily for you, internet, and unluckily for us, they all kept him in a very rural area outside a very rural town in a very rural state. Only about 7 people thus far have been contaminated, and they are working on containing them.
Don’t get your hopes up, internet. Be prepared. We are a bunch of bored computer nerds, so of course we’re prepared. If we must, we’ll give you all the information you need.
But, y’know, ignorance really is bliss in some cases. If you know too much, you, the common, average-IQ’d citizen, will be considered an enemy of the state. I’m sure you all have futures and lives to live, so we won’t be that cruel.
You guys hunt? It’s really a good hobby to take up. Really works on your headshot. Boom.
--xoxoxo Diakins
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How to Survive Z-Day Without Looking Like a Jerk But Still Looking Pretty Badass
HumorZombies + Young, wide-eyed computer nerds = absolutely nothing good. You see, folks, we've been meaning to give you a real example on how to survive z-day without turning into a jerky, allegorical Josef Stalin yet still looking like a badass. Too b...
