How to Survive Z-Day Without Looking Like a Jerk But Still Looking Pretty Badass

FILE #2

 

attachment ams2347cfile2.pdf

FILE #2

Notes: Intercepted from [INFORMATION REDACTED] IM at 12:44 AM on [INFORMATION REDACTED]

These kids should really be asleep. It's a school night. Something is off, as they'd never be so careless as to let us through to their personal computers. Stop bragging about your hacking skills, Phil, you can't even penetrate your wife's hymen, much less an IP protected by kids ten times as smart as we are. They're gradually and subtely leaking more and more information out to the internet, yet no immediate panic has arised. Robertson and I are on our way searching for anything mentioning #.0000 and the possible apocalypse.

Sincerely yours,

--McCann

///////: So, ///. (12:44 AM)

///: Oh. Right. Subject-oh here has become increasingly more violent, and has attacked two of its caretakers in the past week. That makes 12 people infested. (12:44 AM)

///////: ahaha, your awesome ///. you do this singlehandedly? How long it take you? (12:45 AM)

///: Nah, me and ////////// worked on it together while you were on vacation. Took us about 3 days to get into the files. They're becoming much more cautious. (12:46 AM)

///////: Huh. Sry I missed out on all the fun, tho :/ did you see if they figured out how the pathogen infects its secondary hosts? Is it cureable? cuz we both no that it would be pretty easy for them to get to us. (12:47 AM)

///: The infected can only be slain if their brains become severely damaged, which is apparently little Patho's hiding place. There isn't any cure, since they already killed subject #.0004 and worked on her a bit. They discovered that the host is pretty much dead by the time Patho-kins infects them, they, like, lose all of their humanity and stuff. Luckily for us, the Infected don't have the advanced motor skills subject #.0000 has, and generally those infected were the fat or old scientists. So all we have to worry about is getting in shape. Phew, that was a fingerful. (12:49 AM)

///////: WOAH thats awesome. but i'm fat, you no :( (12:49 AM)

///: I know. (12:49 AM)

///////: Shut up. (12:50 AM)

///: Get this to the others, brah. Copypasta it so it's not like a game of telephone. ////////// has already told //// and //////. I'll try to get it to the internet. (12:51 AM)

///////: You got it, broskette (12:51 AM)

/////// Has logged off.

/// Has logged off.

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http://INFORMATION REDACTED.com  DIA'S AMAZIBLOG

August 29th, 2011

1:17 PM

Hope you guys clicked on that attachment.

So, basically, the feds now know even more of what we're up to. In theory. Sorry it has been so long! School started back last week, and I'm beat. I found this hidden within our personal file somewhere within the bowels of the government's... file thingies just a few weeks ago, and wanted to wait a while before showing all of you.

My last (...first) blog entry was also stored and filed, so they know of this site now. No matter, it's secured. Gotta thank one of my friends for doing that for me, he's so great. So, yeah. In case you were wondering, that chat log up there was of me (///) and my friend, Porter (///////). Porter is a psuedonym, just fyi. He's not really fat, either, just really self-conscious and metrosexual. We all think he's gay.

Anyway, I've gotten a bit more careless about what info I give to you guys. They're having trouble containing the Infected, for some reason or another. There are rumors one even made its way to a local pig farm and infecred an entire family. Like stated above, the father was supposedly an overweight widower with two young kids. So, easy targets. The farm hands escaped. Supposedly.

Rumors are rumors, of course. No need to worry. Or maybe there is. I would, and I am.

I'm not going to tell you where they were, because I do have faith that the feds can somehow control this mess. No need for panic, like McCann said. Doesn't mean you shouldn't.

But, I would be taking more precautions. Start learning parkour, parkour is badass. Or maybe zumba, for the sophisticated woman. The best offense is a good defense, right? Or, maybe that's the other way around. Either way, if an Infected can't touch you, he can't bite you. Start feeding your kids more veggies, or enroll them in a soccer camp.

Learn to shoot a gun for dire situations, playing Gears of War doesn't cut it. Or, maybe, get a German Shepherd and train it to be a GODLESS, TERRIFYING KILLING MACHINE.

And then, when people panic and are under the delusion that there won't be enough food and go raid your local Piggly Wiggly, you can eat it.

Hehe, I kid. If anything, if the Infection spreads throughout the masses, they will have no desire to eat. No, not even people.Just tear out their livers and stomp them into the ground.

Tbh I was quite surprised at the response and emails that I've received since June. Here are some of my favorites (all names and addresses taken out):

OMG!! Are you serious? How do I know it's not a hoax?

When your dad gets bitten by an Infected, I suppose?

YOU ARE A BADASS MOFO.

Thanks. :)

Holy sh--, I know who you are. Well, what you guys are. Everyone amongst the bowels of the internet just thinks you guys are a huge-ass rumor. Is this legit? Are you on the same league as Anonymous? Like, what?

Nah, we're not hacktivists. We're just bored. It IS legit, see for yourselves. And I myself do not traverse 4chan, most guys are pretty put off by a girl who does. Seeing as most girls do use that as a shtick for making themselves look cool and interwebz-savvy whilst really making themselves look like complete retards. Like, really.

Are you really a girl?

Yes.

More info as soon as we can get it.

--xoxoxoxoxo, Diakins

[A/N: Action coming soon, will switch from story to blog format.]