Whisper

[Thirteen]

Why does everyone insist on wearing a completely black outfit when they are going to a funeral? Isn't the day going to be depressing enough without the plain dreary clothing?

Out of excitement, I had chosen my outfit last night. I wanted to wear bright colours. I wasn't in an upset mood about her death. I mean, I am the one that killed her for God sake. When Richard had come into my room this morning, he immediately and politely told me to change into something else. "Something more appropriate," he had said.

Although he was dressed in an immaculate, and most likely heavily over-priced suit, he looked horrible. He hadn't shaven since the day I 'found' her, so he had a bit of a scruffy beard. There were large bags and bright purple marks underneath his eyes due to lack of sleep, and he looked like he had aged ten years in the past two weeks.

Every night, I can hear him sobbing in his bedroom. It definitely brings back memories of when that was me, after my parents and brother died. He would always try to hide the fact that he had been crying, but the evidence was always there in the form of bloodshot and puffed up eyes.

Lukas is much quieter than he used to be. Apart from going to work and watching a bit of television when he got home from work, he never left his room.

I didn't have any personal issues with Lukas. I mean, yes he was one of the Mason's, but he never bothered me. So, whenever he would watch a few television shows, I sat next to him on the couch. We don't talk, and he doesn't look at me, but it makes me feel less guilty knowing that at least I'm truing to comfort him in some way.

He was already dressed and downstairs, along with Richard. If it wasn't for Richard making me change my outfit, I would be ready as well, and we would be on our way to the funeral.

Instead, I was in my room, under the intense stare of Jordan as he watched me pick every single piece of lint I could find off of my black dress.

"Calm down, you'll sweat and make people suspicious," he told with with a roll of his eyes.

I couldn't calm down though, I was extremely nervous and practically shaking. "Don't tell me to calm down, Jordan. You're not the one who has to go to the funeral of the person you killed, and pretend to be completely heartbroken over their death," I practically snapped back at him.

With a sigh, I started tidying up all the clothes that were strewn across my floor. It gave me a small distraction, and gave me a chance to calm down. "O'm sorry, Jordan, but you're not the one who has to repeatedly experience your family's funeral."

Not only would it be difficult for me to keep up the act, but I also had to be reminded of my own family's funeral. Today I would be going through the motions on auto-pilot. At least the memory of my family's funeral would upset me enough to actually cry real tears for the first time since all of this began.

"It's fine," he said with a small grunt, as he forced himself to sit up. The back of his hair was all scruffy and I moved away to prevent myself from smoothing it down. He would hate that. "Look, would you stop folding clothes and go downstairs already? The quicker you leave, the quicker it will be over."

I knew that he was right, and I knew that Richard and Lukas were waiting for me downstairs, but I reluctant to go down. "I will in a minute," I mumbled. I may have been practically bouncing around my room in excitement last night, but now I was dreading it more than anything.

"Are you gonna come?" I asked Jordan. All of Lucy's friends would be there and I would feel much more comfortable with Jordan there. Her friends all knew that Lucy and I didn't get along with each other. What if one of them was suspicious?

He got up off my bed and grabbed my arm, pulling me towards my bedroom door. "No, I would much rather celebrate on my own, in my own way." He opened the door and gently shoved me out. "Now, go."