Confessions of a Lab Rat

Chapter 5

"Pepper!" Lillian comes screeching down the hallway in her white scrubs. "Pepper, I need your help." She reaches me, pulling me towards my room.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

She shakes her head.

We enter my room and she closes the door behind us. Her camera is already set up, facing the bed. I sit down in front of it.

Without an explanation, she turns on the camera.

"Introduce yourself again," she says.

I take a deep breath.

"Hi. Hi, it's me, Pepper, again. It's been a week, but I look a little different now. That is, my hair is gone, which means I'm one step closer to dying."

I'm not sure what she expects me to do, so I just sit there.

"Tell them something, anything, Pepper. Say what you want to say."

"Okay..." I think for a minute, then start.

"Lillian used to talk to me about angels when I was little. Angels that guard you while you sleep and fight for you when you're in danger," I look past the camera to where she's standing. "I used to think I could see those angels. And if I could, then Lillian must be one of them, so would Salt, and maybe even Beech.

"But we're all mortal. We're all going to die. Lillian, Beech, Sugar, and me. And every single person in this whole wide world.

"I'm not sure how big the world is, but Lillian says it's big. And there's a lot of people. And someday, they will all die. But real angels... you can't see them, but you know they're there. Is that true, Lillian?"

She's sort of crying at this moment in time, but she nods. "Yes," she says. "Yes, Pepper, it's very true."

"Good," I say. "That's good. And maybe God does really care about lab rats like me..."

Lillian stands in front of me and holds me close.

"You have a beautiful soul, Pepper," she says.

When she let's me go, I turn back to the camera.

"You'll have a longer life than I was ever given, so do something good with it, please."

Then, Lillian turns the camera off and the red light stops blinking.

"Thank you, Pepper," Lillian smiles. "That was all I needed for the rest of my documentary."

"Okay," I say.

"I'll get all of you out of here, I promise," she says.

"I won't live to see it," I say, feeling the tears crawling up into my eyes. "It's okay, though. Beech will, and maybe Spoon and Chip."

"You have a little bit of life left in you yet, Pepper. You'll be okay," Lillian says, taking apart her tripod and packing it into a black bag.

"Okay," I say again.

"Hey there," Beech and Sugar greet me in the main lab. They're sitting cross-legged on one of the tables, a board game in between them.

"Beech is teaching me how to play mon...mon..." Sugar stops and looks at Beech.

"Monopoly," he says. "Want to play?"

It sounds confusing.

"No thanks," I say.

"Lillian brought it for us," Sugar says. "It's a game that never ends."

I smile because Sugar is excited about something. It makes me tingle inside.

"She's a natural," Beech says.

She yawns.

"I think I'm going to take a nap," she says.

Salt took naps a lot before she died.

"Sugar," I say, my tone full of warning.

"Relax, Pepper," she smiles. "I'm just a little tired."

But I'm worried now.

"Okay," I say. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," she says, and squeezes my hand tightly.

After she's gone I turn to Beech.

"Salt used to sleep a lot. Until she couldn't even leave her bed. And she couldn't eat anything," I say.

"You guys must have been close," he says.

I search for a way to explain.

"Have you every had a person in your life who's the best part of you?"

He nods. "I think so," he says.

"She was one of those people," I say. "So is Sugar."

He nods.

"I just hope..." My fades out as I start to cry. "I just hope that when she dies, I die right after."

"Pepper Rat, you need to stop thinking like that," he frowns.

"I can't help it," I cry. "I'm dying. I'm never going to leave this place or get my hair back."

"Yeah. Man, this place is terrible," Beech shuffles his bare feet.

"I don't want to live in a world without Sugar," I say.

It's true and it makes my heart ache. Sugar being dead seems like something so backwards and far away from my life. But it's so close, I can almost feel my bones aching with the loss of my most essential part of life.