Remembering Love

Twenty-Six

After the dinner we went back to our bungalows.

"You want to call it a night" Harry said.

"Oh my god yes I am so tired" I said.

Harry and I got into bed and cuddled up like I always do with my pillow, I am so happy he doesn't really seem to mind, he actually seems to enjoy it.

I passed out as soon as my head touched the pillow.

Harry woke me up the next morning by putting a freezing cold Frappuccino on my face.

"What was that for" I say as I threw a pillow at him.

"I don't know what you are talking about" he winked at me.

"So what's on the schedule today" I asked as I took a sip of the Frappuccino.

"We are going swimming" he said.

"Oh.... Okay" I say disappointed.

I always dread going swimming or anything where I have to wear anything shorter than my normal shorts, which are about mid-thigh.

"What's wrong babe? We don't have to go, we can stay here and cuddle." He winked at me.

"Huh, oh nothing, we have to go" I say flatly.

"Alright... well the boys and I are going to go work on the album"

"Ok cool what song are y'all working on?"

"Infinity"

"Well it will be great I'm sure, I'll meet you guys at the beach by 5" I said and go to give him a kiss on the cheek before he leaves, but he took me by the waist and gave me a real kiss, things were getting steamy.

"Harry you got to go the boys are waiting for you" I laughed in-between kisses.

As I think more about going swimming and kind of just life in general I get really anxious to the point where I couldn't handle it anymore, I go to the bathroom grab my razor and took out a sharp ended pencil, I dug at the side of the razor until it lifted up enough to where I could grab it and pull the rest of it off. 5 blades the razor gave me 5 blades, I have to find a place to hide them but I didn't think about that.

I took one of the blades and found a clear spot on my leg and slid the blade across the skin. No, it did not take the pain away but it made me think of something different than the pain of everyday.

Physical pain I can handle, it is the mental stuff that gets to me.

I did about 9 or 10 lines and grabbed a napkin to stop the blood, I went into my bag to find somewhere to hid the blades, there was a small purse I used to keep my lady stuff in and stuffed the bag in the secret compartment of my luggage, no one will ever look in there, so that's where they go.

I get a shower to rinse the blood and keep the cuts clean and get ready for the beach, I don't want anyone seeing the scars so I put on shorts and a bikini top and head out.

"Hey" I shouted towards the guys.

"Babe!" harry said and started to run towards me but stopped.

"Why are you wearing shorts and not swimming bottoms I would love to see that bum" he winked cheekily when I finally got up to him.

"Um no reason, I'm just not in the swimming mood I guess" I said.

"And you'll see my bum sooner or later" I winked.

"Well do you want to go do something else?" he asked.

I know that he wants to hang out with all his friends and I can't take that away from him, I know it's not all about me and I don't want it to be, he deserves fun.

"No, no I want to stay I just don't want to swim that's all, I can still tan" I said and set up my seat.

"Well I can stay and tan with you" He suggested.

"No you don't have to go have fun okay"

"Alright babe" he said and headed toward the water.

I took a sigh of relief, I love Harry and I wish I could tell him but I just can't nobody knows, not even Natalie knows at this point. Even though I was going to tell her multiple times I just don't have the courage to, this is my problem not theirs.

The day was just about over when Harry came up to me and dragged me up out of my seat.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"I feel like I haven't seen you in forever!!!" He said.

"What do you mean I have been here all day?"

"Yeah maybe physically babe but you seem like your mind has been somewhere else, is there something wrong?"

"No, why do you ask" I snapped quickly.

"I was just making sure you were okay that's all"

"I'm sorry" I sigh.

The one guy in my life that actually cares about me and I push him away.

"Do you want to go get some tacos" I asked cutely.

"No I'm not really in the mood" he said.

"HARRY not in the mood for TACOS!?!?!?" I said.

"Haha I'm just joking lets go"

"No you know what I want to make them, is that okay with you" I asked.

"Yeah sure I honestly think we have everything"

"Good, now you stay here and hang out with the guys and I'll go make dinner" I say and head off to the bungalow.

After I make the tacos Harry called and said he would be there in 10. Harry walks in and I wipe my tears as fast as I can so he doesn't see but it's too late, he saw me. He walks over to me and sits on the couch next to me.

Harry puts his arm around me and I lean up against him as he cuddles me.

"Baby what's wrong" He asked squeezing me tighter.

"I can't stand the thought of you leaving me" I say between sobs.

"Why would I ever leave you" He asked curious and worried at the same time.

"Because of what I am about to tell you" I cried.