They saved me, then they broke me...

Chapter 1

A/N: P.S, IF YOU DONT LIKE SWEARING OR SEX SCENES, DONT READ THIS SERIES! :)

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Ive just graduated year 12. Finally high school is over! im finally free form the hell-hole they call school. Its pretty much a prison they put kids, and then they pay old grumps to 'teach' us. When really they just have low-tolerence, and they get payed to take out all thier anger on us. And then if we try to stand up for ourselves, or have a good time, we get yelled at and punished. Well you know what!? Fuck them, fuck everyone!.... Sorry for the language, i just have, lets say... 'problems'. I actually have depression. Ive been diognosed by a doctor, i see a therapyst, and i take meds. So sorry if im not a bright ray of sunshine. Im just, well yeah, never mind...

Anyways, i was going to go to the beach today, its beautiful outside. But i cant. I dont have any friends. No one to go with, im pretty much all alone in this sad excuse for 'civalisation'... I hate how sociaty has turned everyone these days. How you have to be a hipster, a slut or a complete dickhead to fit in these days. At my school i sat alone. At this park chair in the little maze the school put in a few years back. No one even knew who i was, that i even existed.. Im sorry, lets stop this who 'pitty party'. I dont really have pitty anyways. My mums a doctor, and my dads a lawyer. So neither of them are ever around. I have a flat now. I live in london by myself. I hardly ever go to therapy. If i do, i dont talk. Me and fill, (my therapyst) we'd have a staring competeion or something. At least thats what i called them. He called it "waiting for you to speak", but i think staring competions are a better name.

So here i am, sitting in my room. On my bed. On tumblr. What a life, note my sarcasm there! Im scrolling down my dashboard, and i see all these photos that have a beautiful sandy beach, with a girl walking on it. WIth crystal blue water. So i reblog it and put a caption "paradise", well because it's just my definition of pardise. A nice, quiet, beautiful beach. All to myself, maybe a special someone to share it with? You never knoe what the future might hold.. But thats probably not going to happen. You know how they say 'you have to love yourself, to be able to love someone else'. Well if thats the case, then im not loving anyone any time soon. Beause no matter how much I try, I can never find one good thing i like about myself. Not one thing. And thats what makes me sad. That no one cares for me. Not even me... I just need someone to show me that they care, that im worth it. Maybe if i get out more often, I woud meet people, 'socialise'. But at the moment, my life never leaves the door of my flat. I never go out, well until my panrtree is empty, and i have to go grocery shopping. But the shop is just down the road, so its not that far of a walk. My parents agreed to pay for my wifi, as long as i pay fpr everything else, like bills and crap. But thats the best deal i could of got in my oppinion. My flat, i own. Ive been saving for this flat for along time now. So its pretty much water, and electricity. Which im careful i dont use to much of.

I work at a resteraunt. Its nice and fancy, So the pay is great. Plus when its closing time, and everyone leaves, the boss lets all us workers have some leftover food. Or cook something ourselfs in the kitchen. So i love my job. Its the only good thing about my life right now, and probably will be the only good thing in my life for a while. I dont see anything exciting happening any time soon.

I scroll down and see a photo of liam payne. His smile makes me smile. Its the most adorable thing ive probably ever seen. And if you didnt already know this, I LOVE LOVE LOVE one direction. They are my life! They're the only thing keeping me on this planet. Well alive anyway. Anyway, i reblog the photo. Because i love it. I olny reblog photos that i like. Tumblr lets me express myself. Not that i have many followers or anything. But my tumblr is very personal in a way i cant explain. The way i see it is that, its like my inner thoughts. I know that sounds stupid right? But like i said, its hard to explain. But when im on tumblr, Its like my brain takes over my hands, and i have no say in it. So for me, tumblr is pretty much like my inner thoughts and feelings on a public website.. I know, probably not the best idea, but it dosent matter anyway. I dont make it all fancy for anyone. I just do it for me. If others have an oppinion about it, they can keep it to themsleves...