Afire Love (Bleach: Ichiruki)

XXII

Third Person

Rukia stopped in front of her dear big brother's manor, gazing upon it. 

She stood there, recalling her departure with Ichigo.

Ten minutes earlier

I looked up at him with wide eyes, once again speechless.

He was kidding. This doesn't sound like Ichigo at all. Right?

"You don't mean that." I said, not believing the words that came out of his mouth.

"I mean it." Ichigo said, frowning. He was obviously upset of how I reacted to what he said. What was he expecting me to do? Kiss him?

He knows me better than that.

"You lived without me every time we said goodbye."

"Because I knew that that was not the last time I'd see you again. I lived on normally knowing that I would see you again."

I shook my head. "You lived normally because that's what you humans do. I'm just a shinigami. There's no reason as to why I would be holding you back."

It was his turn to shake his head.

"I can't live without the person who started this all. Because of you, I'm a hero. Because of you, I could protect all of my friends. You were the one who opened my eyes to my shinigami powers.

I can't live without you, Rukia. I don't know how many times I have to say that."

I sighed.

"Thank you, Ichigo. I appreciate your concern for me."

I begun to feel guilt for leaving Ichigo there, standing in shock like a statue.

It took every ounce of self control to not run to back to him, to not kiss his stupid face.

Because I'm not that kind of person. I'm not romantic at all. Hell, I'd never thought I'd develop feelings for Ichigo. To me, he was just a friend. A friend that I am really close with, as close to him as I am with Renji.

But I just happened to develop feelings for him. Great. And I know Orihime is still in love with him. But Ichigo's oblivious to that. I don't want to get caught in those stupid love triangles.

"Rukia?"

Renji's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

He walked out of Nii sama's manor, looking down at me in shock.

I gave him a small smile. "Hi Renji."

"What are you doing here?" He asked, confused.

"I live here, idiot." I said.

"True."

"Is Nii sama here?"

Renji shook his head. "He went out to run an errand. He should be back soon."

I nodded, walking up the small steps to him.

I only walked past Renji, not wanting to start up a conversation with him, because he would say the same exact thing as Ichigo.

"Rukia-" he started to say behind me.

"We'll talk later, Renji. I promise." I said, before walking off through my home.

I opened the door to my room, seeing it nicely kept and organized. I remember a few weeks ago when I had left Nii sama's house that I left it a huge mess.

But Nii sama must have gotten someone to clean it up.

I sighed, sliding the door shut behind me. I felt bad for ignoring Nii sama these past few weeks. I was just being selfish; I should have known that I wasn't the only one hurting.

But Nii sama hurting sounds surely odd. People see him as an emotionless Captain.

Thats what I had thought for the majority of my life to. But when he saved me from Aizen was when I knew he did have feelings after all.

And his care for me grew strong, to the point where he actually acted like a concerned big brother.

I walked across the room to another door that led to my restroom.

Nii sama had my own restroom installed when I became Lieutenant, and also had bought a dozen of expensive kimonos for me. It was very sweet and thoughtful of him. But yet again, he had been urging me from the very beginning to improve my skills and become captain level like him.

And so I did.

I slid open the door, the light above me automatically turning on. I turned to my right and looked at myself in the mirror.

I didn't look as terrible as I thought; perhaps talking to Ichigo did help.

But yet again, I left him kind of rudely.

I slid open a sink drawer, pulling out a sharp pair of scissors.

I pulled my long hair back from my skin with my left hand as I held the scissor in my right.

I pried open the scissors, pressing it against my long hair.

And then I felt the soft scrunch of my hair as I allowed the scissor to slide smoothly across my hair.

I released the two feet of hair from my left hand, allowing it to fall in a hundred strands at my feet. I placed the scissors back in the drawer, shutting it and watching my reflection.

Her usual bright purple eyes that were full of life were dimmed, a speck of darkness tinting it. Her eyes were naturally pulled together in a worried expression, no hint of a smile on her lips. There were also heavy shadows underneath her eyes as she looked at herself with sadness.

But her everlastingly long hair was gone. Her hair was once again up to her chin, that huge strand making its way back to covering up the center of her face.

She looked like Rukia Kuchiki again.

This was Rukia Kuchiki again.

I pulled my lips up into a smile.

I don't know. I guess I had to do something differently to find myself again. And having that long hair reminded me of being like the Soul Queen.

Miserable.

I was blinded by the Soul Queen that I became miserable myself. Not that the Soul Queen is bad. She's brilliant, brave, and beautiful, anyone would want to be her.

And I was. I felt her emotions; her miserable emotions. It was sad. But I lost myself in the midst of it all.

When she brought me back, I didn't feel like my old self. I felt different stronger.

It was a great feeling at first. But then I realized too late that the emotions, the feelings that I was feeling was just a reflection of hers.

And those emotions grew even stronger when I was brought back a second time.

I don't know if its because our souls are alike, but I know that she took a strange liking to me somehow. Captain Ukitake told me that himself.

But now I felt a slight weight lift off my chest. I guess cutting my hair relieved all the tension and doubt I was feeling.

I felt like myself again. Even though I am still living off of the Soul Queen's soul and not my own, I felt more like myself. More confident.

But I am not myself yet. I am not Rukia Kuchiki yet.

Not until I get my soul back. Which cannot happen. I can't have that.

I can never have that.