marked.

It Wasn't Insomnia

I couldn't sleep tonight. But this time, it was my insomnia.

There was something about Marco. The way he was so cool being around me. He didn't judge me, didn't laugh. Of course he wouldn't throw shade at my tattoos... He has some too. But anything, really. I'm practically prone to comments. I know it sounds depressing but it's true nonetheless. But Marco... I haven't had a friend in a while. Besides my mom, some family that lives thousands of miles away, and Naldo, I am not one to be having any conversations. But this kid suddenly shows up and actually wants to talk to me. I even considered the option that he was intoxicated, but I would have noticed that from the moment he said hi. I feel so ridiculous thinking about him... Even when I tried to think about something else... He still came back.

I looked at my phone. It was only 2AM and I'm pretty restless. I could watch Netflix, but I do not want to have my mom suffer and wake up. The thing there was to do was music. I plugged my earbuds in and got out of bed. My black pj's made me camouflage within the darkness that consumed my room. But the only thing that made me recognizable is my pale skin. Just because I lived in California, doesn't mean I go to the beach and act like one. The Cali night can sometimes be so cold, I contemplate on wearing my parka. But instead, I wrap my gray hoodie around the waist of my pants. I slip on my Converses and quietly tip-toe out the door to my apartment. I climb a few starts, running swiftly but silently. All the way up the stairs, above the fifth floor apartments, is what looks like the janitor's closet. Well, this "janitor's closet" is what leads to my sanctuary... The roof.

I open the door and leave it a crack open so some wind can whisper in to the humid hallways. I walk over until I'm at the front the building, sitting on the ledge. My music is still playing, but only one ear is listening as I twiddle my fingers with the fallen earbud. Sometimes coming up here helps me. Looking at stars and the buildings that pile in front of me are what calms me. It makes me stop thinking about Marco, but only for a second. I have no idea what's so special about him, but I even imagine myself showing him this place. How could I? Would I?

I don't know. This is all so confusing.

Was it just a one time thing? Will this be the first and last time he even talks to me? Was he even concerned about me when he asked those questions? Did he actually mean those compliments? I don't know.

I just don't know. And I continued my series of questions until 6 in the morning.