marked.

Unknown Anger

On the first day of December, Marco finally came out of the hospital. He comes over to my house with a black Cam Walker fracture boot tied securely on his left leg. I come out and put his arm over my shoulder, getting prepared to do a little lifting while climbing the stairs. Instead of my apartment, Marco wants to push himself all the way up to the roof. While I have him on his left side, he uses the railing to his right as extra support.

"You good?" I ask him as he lets out a grunt. When finally reach the top where Marco had to take a heavy breath.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he breathed.

I open the door and lead him to the center of out sanctuary. The other day I decided that I will take the time to add some things to this roof, and I did. I unfolded a bench with connecting chairs and helped Marco waddle over to it. We sat as he looked up and out into the cloudless sky, as if looking for something he knew that was definitely not going to be there.

There was a defeating silence, but it contained no emotion. In all honesty, i wasn't sure whether to be mad or not. To ask questions or withdraw myself. I just wasn't sure. Multiple resolutions and possibilities were running through my head.

"I know you probably have questions, you probably are mad at me for even doing what I did but-"

"I'm not mad at you." I tell him.

His mouth stops wide open. "You're not?"

I straighten my posture. "You did Jay a favor, and it wasn't your fault that you came out this way. I'm not mad at you, I'm furious with what happened to you."

Not a word came out of his mouth. I know that Marco was unsure of what to say but, my sentence needed to be said. I can forgive him, but not what happened to him. I would have never wanted to see him go through that. Never.

"It's not like it was planned, Dani. It's not like I wanted this to-"

I put a hand up, trying to be proper. But that was as far as my manners were going. "You see, you don't get it Marco. You don't get it." I just shake my head. How am I supposed to explain this to him if he keeps pushing away the subject?

"What don't I get, Dani? I'm the one who got in an accident, I'm the one who got hurt. No explanation needed."

Finally, I slam my hand on the table. "No! You're not getting it! Seeing someone I love, it KILLS me. It fucking KILLS me Marco! And you're not seeing that. I don't care how it happened, I care about that it happened to YOU! I don't blame anyone, I blame what happened to YOU! You don't get it... You don't get that love is a weapon frequently used on me. You don't get that if someone I are about gets hurt, that's my weakness. If I WANTED to blame Jay, or the guy that hit you, I would have DONE THAT ALREADY!"

The next thing you know, Marco jumps up and takes a big step towards me. I get up, thinking he would need assistance at any moment; maybe he even wanted to leave. Instead, he waddles around the table and over to me. His soft, gentle hand slides onto my cheek, then the other hand. I was on the verge of tears, for the pain of my loved ones had always torn me away from control. I look into his bright green eyes, which look more vibrant than the sun gleaming over us.

"You don't understand," I whisper. "You don't understand that I love you." I could even look in his eye anymore, but he still tucked a piece of my hair over my ear. Marco lifted my chin a little higher, and cupped both of his hands to my face, cradling my cheeks softly.

"I do understand."

And his lips press onto mine.