Operation: Dard and Devotion

37 | Lament & Lucid

For the next couple of days, I had kept my silence and had only spoken up when the doctors had asked me questions. Dr. Hudson had told me that I could be shifted over to a different ward since I no longer needed immediate medical attention. He had even permitted me to travel to the nearest hotel, where Marc and Nat were staying whenever I had desired, just as long as I let him know beforehand. The condition to that was that I would have to be able to gradually take care of myself, which meant that I had to keep up appearances and not let my grief affect my medications and diet. Obviously, Marc and Nat had noticed that I had been gloomy for quite some time, but didn't press the matter further when I did not respond to their inquiries.

But that's because I really could not pluck up the energy to do anything, especially after reading that newspaper headline.

Despite not knowing what was bothering me, my friends had tried to cheer me up in various ways. But no joke, no humorous memory, nothing could ever serve as a remedy for the horrible feeling that swelled in my chest. At least with the case of my parents, I had the assurance that they were improving and that they had even gone back to work.

But this?

What could possibly comfort me knowing that Ahsan had been scheduled for public execution?

It was as though my eyes could not focus on anything on the newspaper's front page except for his photograph, which had the caption, Ahsan Razak, Age 26. His weary face had proved that he was just as sleepless as I was. A purplish bruise was in full form just beneath his cheekbones and it gave the impression that it was an extension of his heavy dark circles. I wondered who had punched him so harshly. I wondered why Ahsan didn't seem like he defended himself when he was very much able to put up a fight. I wondered why he allowed himself to get thrashed.

He looked pained and hopeless, and that hurt me the most.

It hurt me so much that I felt that I would truly go insane if I didn't tell Nat and Marc about all that I had gone through since my initial arrival in Jordan. And so, I had hastily sought Dr. Hudson's permission to visit them at their hotel and he had promptly arranged transportation for me.

Presently, Marc was tirelessly pacing around Nat's hotel room after I had told them my story. Meanwhile, Nat sat on a chair, resting her elbows on her knees and clasping her hands under her chin, deep in thought. I sat on the bed, watching them pace and think, and patiently waited until I received some sort of response from them. After all, they had patiently listened to me talk for over an hour.

"So basically, what I am understanding from all of this is," Marc said as he continued pacing, "You were captured and drugged from the schoolhouse. Then, you were forcefully married off to a militant who was supposed to rape you, but didn't, and some other militant killed off three kids. After that, you and the other captives were taken to a church where there were other civilians. Some time later, you were nearly bought by some female militant group and that's when some other chief militant made a hostage video with you in it. Then the militant to whom you got married suddenly realizes he's a human and starts acting nice in the strangest ways. Then that guy hands you a baby to take care of and you meet a girl who has been tossed back and forth between these guys. Then one day, you and that girl plan an escape, but then you're caught and you're both punished by flogging.

"Then the guy - what's his name, Ahsan - you were married to reveals that he's a doctor so he stitches you up. You gain his trust enough for him to tell you that his sister was raped by American soldiers and that he and his brother killed the rapists, and then he fled the country to America for schooling, leaving his older brother behind. Then you come across the girl who was supposed to be your guide and she tells you that she apparently fell in love with a militant and was his accomplice for the initial kidnapping. Then the militant guy - I think, Faizan - she had fallen in love with kills her and the baby you were taking care of. That same guy reveals that he and the other militant, who was playing nice, are actually brothers and that the latter was the one who had flogged you. Some time later, that same guy confesses that he betrayed you because he had to or else you'd be killed. And so, he killed his brother and devised an escape plan for you, another militant, that girl who you had initially planned to run off with, and some children. Along the way, you all come across American tanks and all of you were separated, and now you're here." He paused to take a breath, to stop pacing, and to look at me. "Am I right?"