mad hatter // r.s.l.

21 : fantasy

looks like we aren't so close to the end after all

I got to the hospital around 7.

She died at 7:30.

It amazes me how silent and well, deadly death is. You would assume that I was an expert at dealing with it, seen as my nighttime job always has that outcome. But grief, that was a whole new different thing.

It picked apart your brain and learnt your strengths and weaknesses, intensifying the latter. It was like something was eating away at me, but I couldn't stop it.

We dealt with it in different ways; Rocky sat in silence with just tears in his eyes, Riker had fallen asleep beside my Mom, Ryland paced, and Rydel cried into Ellington's chest in the corner. I remained in silence, my hand interlocked with my Mother's cold one.

She meant well. She had a peculiar way of putting it across, but she just wanted what was best for me.

And with her gone, I don't know what will be left of us; grown ass adults.

"Are you okay?" Riker eventually woke up, and whispered from the other side of the bed. "You've gone into a vegetative state."

"I'm as good as I can be in this situation. A little overwhelmed and just a tiny bit suicidal, but I'll be fine." I nodded to him. "How are you coping? You were her number one fan."

He smiled. "It was so sudden. I don't think it's quite hit me yet."

"I can relate." My phone buzzed in my pocket. "Back in a second."

I walked out of her room and picked up the phone. Bradley was on the other end, probably more destroyed than I was. "How is she?"

"She died, about 20 minutes ago." I said it loud and clear to make sure it sunk into me.

It didn't work.

"I'm so sorry, Ross. I don't know what to say." She sighed. "How are you dealing?"

"Eh, dealing." I sighed. "We weren't exactly close, but, she's still my Mom."

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?" Mrs Carter's voice was now heard.

"Can I tell her?"

"Go for it."

"Ross' Mom died." She sniffled and there was silence for a few seconds until her Mother took over.

"I am so sorry, my love."

"I'll be alright." I didn't believe it, but it worked for the moment.

+++

Bradley looked to me once again. "Are you alright?"

"Asking it multiple times won't change the answer." I looked to her. "I'm fine."

"I'm sorry, but it's not natural for someone to be 'fine' at their Mother's funeral." She grabbed my hand. "I'm just worried about you. You're even more neutral than you usually are. "

"I know you're worried, but, I'll cope with it." I sighed.

We were sat inside the chapel the funeral was taking place as the others were free to roam for a bit before her burial. I was forced to write a eulogy, as I'm apparently a 'great orator', so I said that.

People just didn't stop crying, however. I didn't realise Mom knew this many people, so the place was beyond overcrowded. Brady came for extra support, which was kind of her; even though stuff like this makes her hair stand on end.

Out of the corner of my eye, Rydel was seen in Ellington's arms, him comforting her. If only he knew.

"Do you want to go outside?" Brady suggested, and I nodded. The moment we got outside, I found a bench and sat lighting a cigarette.

It was a terrible vice of mine; something I only did to distract myself. Brady spoke. "How was your Mom?"

"Can we talk about something else?" I placed a kiss on her forehead.

"If you were in a movie, which one would it be?"

"The Purge, for obvious reasons." The taboo surrounding my past no longer affected us. She giggled.

"I'm genuinely not surprised." She smiled. "But, don't judge my choice; Alice In Wonderland."

"The version with Johnny Depp is actually quite cool, so you're good." I tapped the cigarette lightly with my fingertip, to make the ashes drop. "Which character would you be?"

"I'm not quite sure, suggestions?"

I grinned at her. "You can be Alice, I'll be the Mad Hatter."

if you didn't get that reference, WHAT DO YOU GET