My Life: A poetry Series

PTSD

I think the flashbacks are the worst

you never know what might trigger it

a word, a thought, a touch

The way people stare at you

When you start shaking during class

Or how they love to laugh at you

Scream and quiver when they grab you from behind

Though they don't understand

That when I zone out and shake

Thank I'm holding in screams as I go back

Back to that room on that day to

Feel myself being raped all over again

Or that when I scream when they touch me

Though it only lasts a minute

I get taken back again

To feel their bodies on top of me

Grabbing at my flesh, beating me to death

With the nightmares though

They hurt more and last longer

At least I can suffer in peace

The vivid dreams that aren't dreams

I go back to that room with those boys

I can feel their hot breath on my neck

Their pounding flesh ripping me open

I feel every pain I did then

You cant wake yourself up from these nightmares

I have to wait for the part where they strangle me

So I can wake up screaming gasping for a breath

I don't sleep most nights now but when i do

My mind makes sure i dream as vivid as possible