Let Him Go

Chapter Four

Days passed by, maybe even months with me completely unaware of anything that is going on around me.

All I did, all day long, was read novels I found in John's room.

Until one day, I heard a soft knock on the door, with my mum informing me that there was a visitor for me.

I was completely and utterly confused. No one knew me in my new town, as I have never stepped one foot out of the door since we moved in.

I was helpless, and the grief was getting me.

I closed the novel I was currently reading with a sigh and went downstairs.

He was sitting nervously on our brand new coach, staring blankly at the table ahead of him.

His hair was black, his eyes were green and he was tall. Like, really tall.

I did not recognize him and wanted nothing than to rush back into my room and complete the novel. I was at a cliffhanger.

He cleared his throat and I tried to smile. Clearly I failed.

'I'm Adam Black?' he said, in a tone that was somehow a question rather than a statement.

He held out his hand for me to shake, but I just sat awkwardly on the coach.

There was no explanation for my weird reactions, but somehow sitting with this man, felt like betraying John. And I would never betray him.

He then started again, ' I called a couple of times and you hung up, I thought there was something wrong with the connection and decided to visit myself , so we could talk'

Talk?

Who is he?

What could he possibly want from me?

Can't he see, I'm broken enough?

I don’t need his sorry; I don't need anyone's sorry!

'Tell me about John?'

That was it.

This, right there, made me burst.

'Get out, now and never come back'

With that, I got off the couch, stormed off to my room, lay on my bed and cried myself to sleep.

My dream was hazy. Sadly it was not complete till the very end.

But it was perfect, because John was there and he was alive and I was smiling again.

We were running, laughing, and I was screaming loudly as he was chasing me.

I had a flower in my hair, a pink one, and John gently kissed me.

That was when I woke up, I realized my mom was hugging me tightly, and she was crying herself.

'Mum?'

'Yes honey?'

'When will it ever go away? Make it go away, please?'

'Make what go away, sweetheart?'

'The ache in my heart, the hole in my soul, the fact that every single time I open my times I remember everything. Make it stop Mum' I said, crying loudly.

'I really wish I could, I think you should talk to the Adam kid.'

'No'

'It could help, maybe?'

My mum did not make any sense at the time. I looked at her quizzically and went back to sleep.

Only because, sleeping was my only medicine. Nothing ever helped.

Not going to therapists, not travelling the world and not taking anti-depressants.

Sleeping makes me dream of John, and this right there, is happiness for me.

Even if it was not real.