Let Him Go

Chapter Eighteen

Dear John,

Family. It is so important to have a family involved in your life; they must be your everything.

You might be surprised of what I am about to say John, but my Dad is now back into my mother and I's lives.

He came after I dropped your letter in his mail box with two weeks, at 6 am in the morning, with a light beard that looked pretty good and a huge suitcase.

As soon as I opened the door, he started crying and begging me to allow him in.

He was trying to make amends John, can you believe that?

I mean, I always wished for this moment to come. Even though I thought he was already married with other kids but it turns out he's not.

I used to daydream about the moment when my Dad would finally appear again on our doorstep and when he did, it was so much better than expected.

I was on cloud nine John, like when you got me that Cartier bracelet for my 16th birthday.

Remember my 16th birthday John? It was absolutely perfect. I remember you decorated our back garden and you composed a song to me on the guitar. This day I shall never forget for the rest of my existence.

Back to my father's comeback, he bought us a new home in North Carolina; it’s so cozy with a swimming pool.

Every single time I go for a swim, I imagine the amount of fun we would have, splashing water at each other, here and there.

I am now neighbors with Isabelle; she's truly one of a kind John.

I would like to thank you again for introducing me to her and for my father's reappearance in my life.

I love you, and forever and always will.

Yours,

Anne

Ps. Adam says Hi!

'Did you mention that I said Hi?'

'Yes Adam, I did.'

'Can I read it?'

'Nope, it's personal.'

'But Anne, I am your best friend in this whole wide world.'

'No actually I am.' Isabelle said from the back seat of the car. We were now heading to deliver a letter in New York City. Isabelle has never been to NYC before and neither have I so Adam and I invited her along so we could have some fun together. As soon as I knew that this letter was to be delivered in New York I literally screamed at the top of my lungs. I've always wanted to visit the big apple ever since I was a kiddo. John went there twice and he told me there was a surprise for me at a particular bench in Central park, he even drew me a map to reach it. I was so very excited to find my surprise. As soon as Adam told me, I quickly asked my parents and them, thankfully, agreed.

Now we're half way through and I am having the time of my life. I wrote John a letter, and this always makes me feel so happy. Also Adam and Isabelle haven't stopped teasing each other and they literally crack me up whenever they do.

'Guys, you are both my very best friends. Actually only.' I told them after a moment of thought.

They both laughed and we started hyperventilating on the many places we shall visit in NYC.

'Hey Guys?'

I said after a moment of silence from us all.

'Thank you for everything.'

'You owe me a donut.' Adam said playfully.

'Oh and a cookie.' Isabelle added excitedly.

I smiled at them whole heartedly and looked forward to the upcoming days. 

As I stared at the road ahead, I thought deeply of how my life has changed in the past few months. My relationship with Adam has grown stronger than ever. Ever since that incident before going to my father's, I just tell him everything. I let it all out; all the anger and fear and negative energy. Somehow this just makes everything better. It makes room for happier things in my soul when I release it, as my mom likes to say. I am certainly very thankful for his presence in my life. Since I am now neighbors with Isabelle, we've been inseparable.

For the first time since John's passing I finally feel content.

The great map of the great John for his also great girl, Anne Cleary:

1)    Play somewhere only we know. The Glee version Anne, I know you prefer that one.

2)     Follow the arrows on the drawing below and don't you dare mock it. Not even laugh. Nope.

3)    Now, you there? I know you're nodding and I know there's a bench right in front of you. Sit, please.

4)    I know you're in the middle of the seat. It's just you. Now look to your right, and downwards.

5)    Cheesy I know.

6)    Now never let that smile leave your pretty face. Even if it means that you look like a complete goof in the middle of the city that never sleeps.

'You are my life now, Anne Cleary.'

Seven words. Seven words have made me smile until my face hurt for hours. Seven words have made me cry like I have never cried before in a public place. Seven words have hit my every nerve, seven simple words.

They were carved with John's slightly shaking hands. But it was perfect.

Staring at the words with watery eyes and tracing it gently with shaking hands, I remember everything. I remember when I was in his room, lounging lazily on his coach and reading Twilight for probably the seventh time. I was grinning like an idiot upon reading those perfect perfect words, 'You are my life now' said by the also so very perfect Edward Cullen. I remember John then entered the room finding me in that dazzled condition, and then he looked up at the sky, and shouted as high as he could, "Thank you Stephanie Meyer, you rock!'

I laughed so hard back then at his enthusiasm and felt warmth all over my body. Now as I was sitting on the deserted bench, in the very cold weather, I felt the warmth again, and I smiled within my tears.

I owe John for many things. But I owe him most for these unforgettable moments in my life. I know, even if I never took a photo of this, I will always remember it. The words will always be carved in my head just as they’re forever carved on this bench.

I took in a huge gulp of fresh cold air, dried the tears on my face with my hands, and enjoyed the feeling of warmth while I still can.