Hurt Me No Longer (Sequel to "Bully Me No More")

7

*RAIN*

I was laying in bed staring up at the ceiling with my hand on my stomach.

"Oh baby what are we ganna do huh? We need to tell daddy."

I sighed at the thought of telling Roc. Did I really want him to find out about my pregnancy over the phone? No, that wouldn't be right. Plus I wanted to SEE his reaction, I wanted to see him smile bigger than he did the last time.

"Angel get some sleep alright? Early flight in the morning." My dad said walking in. He realized I was crying and came to lay beside me.

"What's wrong Rain?"

"Dad what if I'm not meant to have a baby? What if I lose this one too?"

"That won't happen again. It was your mother's fault ok? Not yours."

I nodded slowly, rubbing my stomach.

"Do you think Roc will be happy?"

"Of course." He kissed my forehead. "Get some sleep, please."

"Yes sir." I smiled.

He left me alone and I got under my covers, holding a pillow close to me wishing it was Roc.

~~THE NEXT DAY~~

When I arrived at home Roc wasn't there, so I figured he was working. I wanted to tell my dad about everything that happened, but then he wouldn't let Roc run the office here and more importantly he wouldn't allow us to be together.

After I unpacked my suitcase I wandered down the hall, into a room I said I would never enter again. The walls were white and the room was empty except for a crib and rocking chair. My eyes burned with the building tears. This was ganna be the nursery for our last baby, the one we lost. I sank slowly to the floor with my back against the wall opposite the crib.

Losing the baby was hard, but the worst part was not even knowing if it was a boy or girl that we lost. Especially now that I was pregnant again because our baby could've had an older brother or sister and not knowing which made me feel like the new child could've had both. The white walls seemed dreary although the sun outside lit the room really bright. I kept a hand on my still flat stomach and started talking aloud to the child we lost.

"Hi baby. I hope you are up there watching over us. I hope you help protect your brother or sister, don't let us lose it like we lost you. Please. I can't wait till we're all united in heaven, and we can finally see your beautiful face. I'm sorry." Tears started to roll down my cheeks and I didn't bother to wipe them away.

"I'm sorry I lost you. It's my fault and I'm sorry. Nothing I do or say could ever bring you back and I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

I continued to repeat those two words until my phone rang and I answered it with shaking hands.

"He-hello?"

"Rain! You answered!"

I sniffled. "Mhhm."

"Are you ok?"

I shook my head although he couldn't see me. "I'm home. I'm in the nursery."

"Oh." I heard the sadness in his voice. "I'm on my way home now, I'm almost there baby. I'll be right there."

"O-ok."

"I love you Rain."

"I love you more."

I hung up and layed down on the carpeted floor in fetal position with my arms wrapped around my knees.

"I'm so sorry. Mommy's sorry." I whispered, hoping somewhere in heaven she/he would hear my apologies and maybe hate me less than he/she did.

Nothing I did. Nothing I said. Nothing would ever bring my baby back to me, and it killed me inside, it broke my heart and it made me fear for the life of the child waiting inside me. I prayed it had a different fate from the last. I couldn't make it through another loss.