EgoManiac

Slowly Losing Control

Slowly Losing Control:

I head into the bathroom and lock the door. I take a deep breath and let the cold metal touch my skin. I let out a sharp breath as it slid across, tearing my skin open, my blood dripping out into the sink. I still don't feel enough relief, so I pick it up and do it again. I repeat this four more times before I start to feel relief. "Rosette, hurry up, we're going to be late," Brad yells.

"Okay," I replied. I turned on the water to wash away the blood. Once it was cleaned up, I quickly darted to my room. I put my razor back in my bag and everything else back in it as well. I went to my closet, pulled out one of my hoodies, and pulled out a bandage wrap. I wrapped my arm, put on sweats and hoodie, grabbed my bag, and headed out the door.

There's an awkward silence as we drive to school; Brad turns on the radio halfway there to make the drive a little easier. We pull into the parking lot, and I take a deep breath. Brad looks at me as I go to the door as if he has something to say. "Rosette, I know you don't want to discuss that nightmare, but please know I'm here to talk. I don't care what I'm doing if you need me to come and get me, okay? You're my sister, and seeing you be tortured by something like that totally sucks, and it reminds me of how I've failed to protect you from whatever it was " "No, don't you even try blaming yourself for this? This is all my fault, okay? I brought it on myself. I let it happen, not you. I'm the one that let it happen more than once. I'm the one who was stupid and threw away everything you had done to make life easier for me. I'm the one who threw away my future, not you. And now I'm the one who needs to deal with the consequences of my actions. I will ask for help when and if I need it. Otherwise, please forget about it, and don't blame yourself for things you have no control over. I love you, and I know you're only looking out for me, but I'm not a little girl anymore," I cut him off, holding back tears again. I climb out of the car and walk into the school. I knew I had hurt Brad this morning, but I needed him to back off so I could breathe and figure this out, and the last thing I needed was him blaming himself for this.

"Morning, beautiful," Ashley says as I get to my locker. "Morning," I say, giving her a quick smile. "What's wrong?" she asks. "Just had a fight with Brad this morning," I reply, opening my locker. "About," she asked. "nothing, just sibling things," I say, pulling out my textbooks to put in my locker; Danny's hat falls out of my bag. "Nice hat," says Ashley, grabbing it off the ground. "Thanks; I must've thrown everything in my bag this morning when I threw it," I say, taking it from her. "Where'd ya get it?" she asks. "You're full of questions today, aren't you?" I reply, placing it on my head. "And you're full of vague answers today," she replied, closing her locker. "eh, well, I gotta get to class. Catch ya later," I say, closing my locker and walking away. "Whatever," she yells.

I'm walking to class when I pass Tyler and Danny. Tyler looks at me and smiles, "Cool hat, Rose, don't you think so, Danny?" he says, punching Danny in the shoulder. Danny turns a little red but smiles at me. "Hi, Rosette," he says, staring into my eyes. "Hi, Danny," I reply, staring back. Tyler nudges Danny, "so, um, I wanted to ask you something," Danny says. "Ask away," I reply, smiling. "So, um... Hey Brad," he says, standing up straight, breaking eye contact. "I've been looking for you two all morning," Brad says, walking over to us. "What for?" asks Tyler. Danny was looking a bit nervous. "I just need your help with something," he says, glancing at me quickly. "I can take a hint. Jeez, bye, Tyler, bye, Danny," I reply quickly, turning and walking away.

#

I met Tyler at school this morning and told him everything that happened last night, minus the phone call. "don't worry about Brad. He probably doesn't remember a thing, and even if he does, it's like you were doing anything wrong. I still can't get over skipping a party to watch Spongebob, though," he says as we walk down the hall. "it was fun, though," I reply. "cool hat, Rose, don't you think Danny," he says, punching me in the shoulder. I turn and see Rosette coming towards us, wearing my hat. I feel my face turn a little red. "hi, Rosette," I say, smiling and looking into her eyes. "Hi, Danny," she says, staring back at me. I smile, and then Tyler nudges me, "So, um, I wanted to ask you something," I say. "Ask away," she replies, smiling. "So, um..." I start to say, but then I spot Brad. "Hey, Brad," I finish, standing straight and looking away from Rosette. "I've been looking for you two all morning," Brad says as he walks over to us. I tense up a bit, "What for?" asks Tyler. "I just need your help with something," he replies, glancing at Rosette. "I can take a hint, Jeez. Tyler. Bye, Danny." says Rosette before turning and walking away.

Brad waits until Rosette is out of earshot. "Okay, I need your help keeping an eye out for Rosette. Something is going on. She won't tell me, but I know it's not good," he says.

"Brad, you sure that's a good idea? Maybe you shouldn't be getting involved; if she needed your help, she'd tell you," Tyler says. "No, I don't care. If you don't want to help me, then fine, I'll do it myself," Brad snaps. "Alright, we'll help. But if this backfires, it's on you," Tyler says. "Thanks. Oh, Rosette is seeing some guy. Can you try to figure out who it is so I can make sure he's not out to hurt her," Brad says before darting off to class.

I suddenly feel really nervous and anxious. "Something you want to share?" asks Tyler, raising an eyebrow. "Yes, I mean No, um, I know part of what's going on with Rosette, and I agree with Brad. We need to get involved." I say quickly, changing the subject. "What are you talking about, and why didn't you tell Brad?" Tyler asks as we head to class. "I didn't tell Brad because if I did, he'd know I was with Rosette last night, but anyways, Last Night Rosette received a phone call, and when she hung up, she had a breakdown, crying the whole deal. She wouldn't tell me what was going on, but she was all worried that when people find out, mainly me, how we view her is going to be different, and we're going to leave, and whatever it is she believes is her fault and only she can solve it" I say. "Alright, how do we go about it?" Tyler asks.

#

I wonder what Brad needs Tyler and Danny's help with. I can't stop thinking about last night. I'm almost positive that Danny would kiss me if Brad hadn't walked in when he did. Thank God Brad was Drunk. I can't even imagine how bad he would've freaked out if he hadn't been. What am I doing? I shouldn't even be doing this. I can't be with Danny even if he likes me, not with what I found out last night.

The final bell rang, and I was walking home when I stopped dead in my tracks. I can't breathe, "No, no, no, no, no, no, please, no," I whisper, feeling tears start to run down my face. The last person I ever want to see is there, walking out of the grocery store. He looks up, and his eyes meet mine, and for a split second, I want to run up and hug him, wanting things to be like they used to be. Then I remember the night it all went wrong. He smiles for a split second and starts walking towards me. Suddenly I'm running. I don't know where I'm going, but I must leave.

I continue to run till I can't run anymore; I fall to my knees and break down; I sit there till it gets dark. I look around, trying to figure out where I am. I'm sitting in a clearing in the woods. I stand up, hoping to find something to tell me more about where I am; I spot a faint trail to my right and feel something telling me to go down the trail. I follow it and find myself standing below my old tree house. Brad and I had built it in middle school, and we forgot about it when we hit high school. I find the ladder in a bush nearby and climb up. The old bean bag chairs are still in decent shape, so I curl up in one, wrap my hoodie around myself, and drift asleep.