EgoManiac

Slowly Losing Control

Slowly Losing Control:

I head into the bathroom and I lock the door, I take a deep breath and I let the cold metal touch my skin. I let out a sharp breath as it slid across, tearing my skin open, my blood dripping out into the sink. I still don't feel enough relief, so I pick it up and do it again. I repeat this four more times before I start to feel the relief. "Rosette, hurry up we're going to be late" Brad yells.

"Okay" I replied. I turn on the water to wash away the blood, once it's cleaned up, I quickly dart to my room. I place it back my razor back in my bag and put everything else back in it as well. I go to my closest I pull out one of my hoodies and pull out a bandage wrap. I wrap my arm and put on sweats and my hoodie grab my bag and head out the door.

There's an awkward silence as we drive to school, halfway there Brad turns on the radio to make the drive a little easier. We pull into the parking lot and I take a deep breath. As I go to the door Brad looks at me like he has something to say. "Rosette, I know you don't want to talk about whatever that nightmare was about, but please know I'm right here to talk. I don't care what I'm doing if you need me to come and get me okay? You're my sister and seeing you be tortured by something like that totally sucks and it reminds of how I've failed to protect you from whatever it was " "no don't you even try blaming yourself for this, this is all my fault okay? I brought it on myself. I let it happen, not you. I'm the one that let it happen more than once. I'm the one who was stupid and threw away everything you had done to make life easier for me. I'm the one who threw away my future, not you. And now I'm the one who needs to deal with the consequences of my actions. I will ask for help when and if I need it. Otherwise please forget about it and don't be blaming yourself for things you had no control over. I love you and I know you're only looking out for me but I'm not a little girl anymore" I cut him and I'm holding back tears once again. I climb out of the car and walk into the school. I knew I had hurt Brad this morning but I needed him to back off so I could breathe and figure this out and the last thing I needed was him blaming himself for this.

"Morning beautiful" Ashley says as I get to my locker. "Morning" I say, giving her a quick smile. "What's wrong?" she asks "Just had a fight with Brad this morning" I reply opening my locker. "About" she asked. "nothing just sibling things" I say pulling out my textbooks to put in my locker, Danny's hat falls out of my bag. "Nice hat" says Ashley, grabbing it off the ground. "Thanks I must've thrown in my bag this morning when I threw everything in it" I say, taking it from her. "Where'd ya get it?" she asks "your full of questions today aren't you" I reply placing it on my head. "And you're full of vague answers today" she replied, closing her locker. "eh well I gotta get to class catch ya later" I say closing my locker and walking away. "Whatever" she yells.

I'm walking to class when I pass Tyler and Danny. Tyler looks at me and smiles, "Cool hat Rose, don't you think so Danny?" he says punching Danny in the shoulder. Danny turns a little red but smiles at me "hi rosette" he says starring in my eyes "hi Danny" I reply starring back. Tyler nudges Danny, "so um I wanted to ask you something" Danny says. "Ask away," I reply smiling. "So um... Hey Brad" he says standing up straight, breaking eye contact. "I've been looking for you two all morning," Brad says walking over to us. "What for?" asks Tyler. Danny was looking a bit nervous. "I just need your help with something," he says, glancing at me real quick. "I can take a hint jeez bye Tyler bye Danny" I reply quickly turning and walking away.

#

I met Tyler at school this morning and told him everything that happened last night minus the phone call. "don't worry about Brad probably doesn't remember a thing and even if he does it's like you were doing anything wrong. I still can't get over skipping a party to watch Spongebob though" he says as we walk down the hall. "it was fun though" I reply. "cool hat Rose, don't you think Danny" he says punching me in the shoulder. I turn and see Rosette coming towards us wearing my hat. I feel my face turn a little red. "hi Rosette" I say smiling and looking at her eyes. "Hi Danny" she says, staring back at me. I smile, then Tyler nudges me, "so um I wanted ask you something" I say "ask away" she replies smiling. "So um..." I start to say but then I spot Brad "Hey Brad" I finish standing up straight and looking away from Rosette. "I've been looking for you two all morning" Brad say as he walks over to us. I tense up a bit, "What for" asks Tyler. "I just need your help with something" he replies quickly glancing at Rosette. "I can take a hint jeez, Bye Tyler Bye, Danny." says Rosette before turning and walking away.

Brad waits till Rosette is out of earshot, "Okay I need your help keeping an eye out for Rosette. Something is going on she won't tell me but I know it's not good" he says.

"Brad, you sure that's a good idea maybe you shouldn't be getting involved, I mean if she'd needed your help she'd tell you" Tyler says. "No I don't care you don't want to help me then fine I'll do it myself" Brad snaps. "Alright, we'll help. But if this backfires it's on you" Tyler says. "Thanks oh Rosette is seeing some guy, can you try to figure out who it is so I can make sure he's not out to hurt her" Brad says before darting off to class.

I suddenly feel really nervous and anxious. "Something you want to share?" asks Tyler, raising an eyebrow. "Yes, I mean No, um I know part of what's going on with Rosette and I agree with Brad we need to get involved." I say quickly changing the subject. "What are you talking about and why didn't you tell Brad?" Tyler asks as we head to class. "I didn't tell Brad because if I did he'd know I was with Rosette last night but anyways Last Night Rosette received a phone call and when she hung up she had a breakdown crying the whole deal. She wouldn't tell me what was going on but she was all worried that when people find out, mainly me, how we view her is going to be different and we're going to leave, and whatever it is she believes is her fault and only she can solve it" I say. "Alright, how do we go about it?" Tyler asks.

#

I wonder what Brad needs Tyler and Danny's help with. I can't stop thinking about last night, if Brad hadn't walked in when he did I'm almost positive that Danny was going to kiss me. Thank god Brad was Drunk I can't even begin to imagine how bad he would've freaked out if he hadn't been. What am I doing? I shouldn't even be doing this, I can't be with Danny even if he likes me, not with what I found out last night.

The final bell rang and I'm walking home, when I stopped dead in my tracks. I can't breathe, "No no no no no no please no" I whisper feeling tears start to run down my face. There walking out of the grocery store is the very last person I ever want to see. He looks up and his eyes meet mine and for a split second I want to run up and hug him, wanting things to be like they used to be. Then I remember the night it all went wrong. He smiles for a split second and starts walking towards me. Suddenly I'm running. I don't know where I'm going but I know I have to get out of here.

I continue to run till I can't run anymore, I fall to my knees and break down, I sit there till it starts to get dark. I look around trying to figure out where I am. I'm sitting in a clearing in the woods. I stand up hoping to find something to tell me more of where I am, I spot a faint trail to my right and I feel something telling me to go down the trail. I follow it and I find myself standing below my old tree house. Brad and I had built it when we were in middle school and when we hit high school we kind of just forgot about it. I find the ladder in a bush nearby and climb up. The old bean bag chairs are still up here and in decent shape so I curl up in one wrapping my hoodie around myself and drift asleep.