Chim - Every Mark On My Body

Chapter 6

Chapter Six

'Well, it could've been worse I suppose.'

We've just come out of the hopspital. Me ribs are bandaged up and Kimberley is fussing. She's practically carried us out the hospital, leaning all me body weight on her. Its sweet. But I don't get it. I don't get why anyone wants to care for us. Especially her. She's only properley know us for a couple of days, yet she seems to be taking more interest in us than anyone ever has. But I don't deserve it. I repulse meself. I'm nothing, worthless. I'm a shell of me former self, nothing near as human as what I used to be. The sh!t in me life has taken over, consumed us. Snaking its deathly black, cold arms around us until its all I can see. All I breathe. All I know. But maybe I do derserve it? Because she, Kimberley, is the only thing that can make us see something else. She is the only light in me entire being that glows, inticing us towards a whole new life of peace and tranqulity. And love.

Love.

The word has become alien to us. I used to know it. It used to tumble out of me mouth every day. Flicking off me tongue with ease before I left for school, before I went to sleep.

'Love you, Mam. See you later!'

'Love you, Mam. Night.'

And for that little while afterwards, it would be muttered to us while I sobbed.

'She loves you.'

'She'll always love you.'

And I thought it was that easy. That simple. To love someone and to be loved back, and for everything to always stay perfect. But it wasn't. It isn't. And it never will be. I stopped believing in that word. It became nothing to us. Because I used to say it to some unknown being that I was made to believe created the world and looked after us. Told I should say it when I prayed to him. So I did. A little version of us, kneeling beside her bed with her hands clasped together, uttering words of love and promise. And asking for safety, for guidance. But what good did that ever do that little girl? Where was he when it happened to her? Where is he now? Now, when she gets repeatedly mauled?

And now I'm wrenched from me thoughts by me favourite sound. By someone I feel is the best thing left in me life.

'Worse?! Cheryl you have 3 cracked ribs and slept your way through concussion without even knowing!'

'Ayyyee, but they could've been broken! And the concussion hasn't done us any harm, has it?' I wink, pulling a funny face at her and wobbling me head around.

'Oh lord! ...No comment!' She laughs. God, I love that sound.

'Oi!' I tickle her side and she shrieks with laughter.

'Nooo Chez stop! I'm sorry!' She struggles to form the words through her giggles. I chuckle, releasing her. She still looks so gorgeous.

'Too right you are!' I tease.

'Oh my god, Cheryl don't do that! I'm so ticklish.'

'You shouldn't have told me that babe.' I wink at her, grinning wickedly.

'Uh-oh, fiesty Geordie we have here eh?'

'Oi shut it, you! I'll have you know I can be strong when I want to be!'

'Yeah it really seems like you can doesn't it!'

I feel like I've been punched in the gut. The smile drops from me face, me dimples vanishing as quickly as they appeared. She senses it. I don't for one second believe she meant it with any conviction, I would have hit her by now if I did. But I don't think she even meant to say it. She looks as though she might hit herself. But I'm still p!ssed off.