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Dreams Are Made of This

The bell rings. I hear it, but don’t get up. Nurse gently wakes me up, telling me it’s time to go. I slowly nod, in a half-funk and just too quickly get up out of the nasty smelling cot. Stars brightly blind me and my body slams back to the cot with a thud. I close my eyes for a minute and force myself to open them again. Except kids are staring at me.

          They are staring at your fat Bailey hun. Laughing at you.

I feel tears shine in the back of my eyes and race outside. Once outside, I’m free. Able to fly. I start to jog to my dorm. It’s cold. Damn sultry November I think. I’m wearing a sweater that’s apparently three times too big on me and capris with blue stared converse. More sweat that’s good Madeline says. I puff out my agreement and concentrate on walking the 2 miles to my dorm, making sure I jog around campus.

As soon as I get to my room, I bound up to the bathroom after climbing three flights of stairs from the common room and close the door. I silently strip off my clothes starting with my shoes and socks.

This is my ritual every day, twice a day. My capris and underwear.

Just to make sure I’m losing weight. My shirt and bra.

Nothing to be on to make sure I’m not absolutely gaining any weight at all.

I look up once, pray, and step onto the scale. My eyes are squeezed shut. My heartbeat flutters with each breath I take. A tear leaks down my cheek and my tongue laps out of it like its water…..guilt free, the essence of life. I carefully open my eyes and look down.

97.5 pounds.

I let out a breath and smile. It probably isn’t much but I lost 4 pounds in 2 days! I bounce off the scale and as soon as I’m dressed, do my happy dance. 97.5 rings in my mind. My whole being is finally saying I did it. I reached my goal weight. But then Madeline stops me.

          Ha! You are still a FAT cow look at all that fat and flesh move on your legs. And those wings under your arms. You are fat dear. That’s all you’ll ever be.

A huge, floppy tear leaks down my face and I sink to the floor with my arms around me. Of course, how could I have let myself get so distracted? I’m still beyond fat. I should have never been so excited. If only I wasn’t born fat! With each breath I take, I hear Madeline laugh and mock me even more. I cover my ears to make her stop but it’s no use, she just gets louder.

 Bailey stares into the mirror, trying to look for a clue; anything to tell her that’s it’s not too late. She shakes her head back and forth, her tight blond ponytail bobbing around her head. Her sea green eyes show sadness in them and her stomach looks so horribly full.

A scale pops up. WHISH! It’s a light blue color, like the evening sky. She smiles because she knows that it shows your weight and BMI. She stares at it for a moment but doesn’t breathe. How could she when this is where it all started? When a person first showed herself and introduced a brand new life?

Madeline suddenly is right beside her. “Go on. It’s your final judgment. Make me proud.”

Bailey takes a deep breath and carefully steps onto the scale. A deep breath.

In.

Out.

“Look down” Madeline tellswhispersyells at her. She looks down and almost passes out.

82.1 pounds.

She stares at the numbers, shocked. Black is white and everything is exactly the same. She slowly turns to her only friend. “So does that mean I can eat again?” she asks hopefully.

Madeline doesn’t even blink and her smile falters as her eyes set on angryupsetkillermode. The whole world starts blazing to fire and flames.

“YOU THINK YOU CAN EAT AGAIN?!?!?!?!?!?!” Bailey shrinks as Madeline’s voice seems to boom through the place.

She felt like she was going to vomit.

“Do you really think you can eat again you FAT COW? You can get to so much less!!”

Bailey stands her ground and breathes.

Suddenly she has courage she thought she would never come to her again. “Yes…maybe but I’m hungry.” She hadn’t dared to say anything like that in a long time. Since, well…Madeline came along. A small, white light trickles through the darkness and shines like a rainbow through the sky.

*            *             *             *              *                    *

Hopefully I can update soon. I actually updated because I had time. Ha. Kinda proud of myself. As with all my stories, I have finals in a matter of days so it will be difficult to update but I will try my best! Remember to:

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