They Do Exist

They Do Exist (7)

Chapter Seven: Cut--Plumb

I located the key in my pocket and opened the door quietly, hoping not to wake my parents.

The lights flicked on, suddenly blinding me.A tear stained mom stood in front of me, as well as a fuming father.

“You little bitch!”He spat coming over to me, he grabbed my arm forcefully and threw me to the ground.My mom screamed in fear but did nothing else but that.I winced as I fell, barely catching myself in time.He grabbed my shoulder and rolled me to my back.

“YOU HAD ME AND YOUR MOTHER WORRIED SICK!WE WERE THIS CLOSE TO CALLING THE POLICE.” He squished his thumb and pointer finger to merely nothing.I wanted to laugh in his face.Like he was worried.My mother was probably, but I doubt he even cared.

He must have noticed a smirk or something on my face because he got down in my face.“YOU FUCKING BRAT! YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?!? IT’S NOT FUCKING FUNNY! YOU’RE A SHITASS WHORE AND I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!!”

“THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT SHERYLL.YOU GAVE BIRTH TO THIS THING.THIS PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A DAUGHTER!” He accused, leaning up to point and yell at my mother.AHH!! I fucking hated him!!

“WE GIVE YOU EVERYTHING!EVERYTHING!!! AND YOU STILL DISOBEY US!?!?”He was screaming in my face now, I could feel his hot breath and spit sticking to my face.He shook with anger, slamming his fist down on the wooden floor near my head.Fear flashed across my face as I wondered, for just a second if he’d hit me.I tried to back up, to sink into the ground but I had nowhere to go.I squinted my eyes together and imagined desperately that I was anywhere but here.

What I wouldn’t give to leave this damn place.

“YOU’RE GROUNDED FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR!NOW GET OUT OF MY SITE YOU SPOILED BITCH!!!!AND CLEAN UP YOU LOOK LIKE THE PIECE OF SHIT YOU REALLY ARE!”He yelled, as I scrambled to my feet, new tears stinging my eyes.I could hear him shouting at my mother as I made my way down the hall and to my room, sprinting

Why couldn’t I be loved?!? Was it so hard to ask for a normal family?A normal father and mother.If I had had that to begin with in my childhood, I wouldn’t have needed Brandon or anyone else.But I’m so lonely; I just wanted to know what it was like to feel loved.I desperately did.It’s the only thing I’ve ever truly wanted.

I slammed my door shut, racing to my haven, my bed.I let the tears fall, the storm raging outside my window.I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a hurricane.

I screamed out in agony into my pillow.My heart overwhelmed with breath-seizing pain.I had never been so utterly hopeless and depressed in all of my life.My chest wracking with hard, fast breaths, My eyes pouring tears into my pillow and sheets, soaking them from tip to tip.I clutched my pillow, wishing with all my might that I didn’t have to be here.

That’s when it occurred to me.I didn’t have to.

Momentarily, I questioned my actions, but as a great ache of acceptance washed over me, I didn’t question it.

He wants me to get cleaned up?Fine.Then I will.For good.

I peeled off my jacket and kicked off my shoes.I stared somberly at the scars on my wrist and forearms.It had been so long since I had given in to these feelings.I had been fighting; battling for so long, I was so tired of it.I just wanted it to end.

Now I guess it would.I replayed the image of Brandon, the image of my grandmother in her coffin, and the words my dad had screamed at me over and over in my head.Tears of determination stung my eyes.I had no doubts.This is how it was meant to be.Everything in my life proved that.