mine // j.g

Chapter 22

For the next few days I watched Jack and Madison. I watched them relive Jack and I's relationship as I stood by and hopelessly ran down a road that led nowhere. All the time I spent getting over Jack was wasted because now feelings were flooding into my heart and I couldn't stand to see him happy with someone who wasn't me. It was tearing me apart.

We left jersey a week ago and we were in Florida now. We were at the end of the east coast tour and that meant a three day break for the boys. It was late now on the first day off and everyone wanted to go out except for me.

"Come on Molly please don't leave me alone with Madison" Sarah whined.

I sighed and grabbed a hotel towel heading for the shower. I washed off quickly and shaved before getting out and doing my hair. Sarah had laid a dress on my bed for me. One she had obviously just bought it was too pretty to have ever been owned by either of us before. It smelled brand new too.

I slipped it on and smiled as I looked at myself in the mirror. I haven't felt this confident all week and it was a refreshing change. I checked my phone seeing I had a text from Sarah saying she was waiting in the car. I grabbed my bag and walked out of the bus and met her in the car.

"You look amazing Molly I would never believe that's you" she yelled as the driver started driving to meet everyone else at the restaurant.

"You look better you always have you always will Sarah" I laughed lightly low key meaning every word. I've always felt like the uglier friend next to Sarah even though she's told me otherwise I know the truth. "Jack is so lucky to have you" I choked out. I played with my short nails and hoped to god I didn't look as empty as I felt.

_______

As I walked into the restaurant with Sarah by my side I could feel so many pairs of eyes in our direction. I found myself sitting next to Sam as conversations started up.

"You took my breath away Mols" Sam whispered.

I laughed at the thought of people staring at me and not Sarah.

"I'm serious Molly I don't think I've ever met someone as beautiful as you"

And although it was Sam who made me happy I found myself staring at Jack, who was staring back at me for just a split second before he turned back to Madison who looked better than I ever could.

______

While we were waiting for our food I got up and walked to the back of the restaurant and to the bar where I ordered a glass of straight vodka and drowned myself in my sorrows before the night even really started.

I asked the bartender for a piece of paper and pen but of course my standards were too high and he handed me a napkin. I sighed when a pen was placed next to me by a man who looked to be in his early 40's.

"I don't know what you did to end up in the same spot as me kid but you've got your whole life to live don't waste it on people who will keep you in the same spot in time for the rest of  it"

I nodded grateful for the pen and started drunkinly scribbling on the napkin.

Jack,

Being here on the bus these past few weeks should have been great. I've been with my friends and we've been traveling all over just watching you guys perform and enjoy life. That should be enough to make someone happy right? To make me happy? I thought it would be ok to stay on tour for a bit, but I see now that I was blindsided by hope and love. I thought we had a chance. A chance to start over and be happy together but I see now that I couldn't have been more wrong because you are already happy and in love with someone else. Not me. I had my chance at happiness and I blew it and now you've moved on and watching you move on has done nothing but hurt me, so instead of staying on this tour with you, I'm going to go. I don't know where but I know I'm leaving now and I know it's for the best. And I don't know if the fact that I'm deciding this in a drunken rage makes this decision great but it's the best thing I've got right now, because seeing you this happy with someone besides me is too much to bear. Goodbye Jack, I love you.

Yours truly
Molly

I was crying by the end of the letter. I gave the man his pen back and took my bag taking the napkin with me and holding it tightly in my hand. I called a cab and waited out front as I thought about everything. My head was spinning and I felt as if I could throw up. All I could think about was my life back in New York, school and my friends and how happy I would be once I got back, but I knew I was kidding myself. I wouldn't be happier there away from Jack. Away from Sarah and Sam. But as the cab pulled up I didn't look twice before stepping inside and telling him the address of the hotel.

___________

My vision was blurred as I stepped out of the car and ran upstairs to pack my bags. I was tired and my body felt heavy as I carried on. I threw everything I owned into my suitcase and went to the bathroom looking at myself in the mirror. My mascara was running and my eyeliner was smudged. My hair had started to frizz and my face was red and swollen. I quickly washed my face, clearing it of any makeup and put my hair in a bun. I took the napkin and my suitcase and walked out of the room next door to Jack and Madison's. I slid the napkin under the door and walked downstairs into the cab to the airport.