Downworld

Chapter 4

I'd been home five minutes -- five minutes spent sitting on the couch, thinking I should have a shower because I was covered in dirt and sweat -- when there was a knock on the door. I considered ignoring it, but it came again, more insistent. I thought it might be my roommate, having lost his keys, so I stood with a groan and went to the door.

My guardian warned me before I opened it that it was not my roommate, it was Malik. And by warned me, I mean it started to do weird things to my stomach. 'Fucking asshole,' I said. He knocked again.

I swore again, and yanked it open, startling Malik mid-knock.

'What?' I snarled. My guardian not so gently encouraged me not to be so unfriendly by giving me chest pains.

He didn't seem put off by my hostility anyway. 'I talked to your cousin.'

'So you're stalking me now?'

'No. Well, technically yes, I guess, but not for a bad reason.'

'What do you want?'

'To apologize.'

'For invading my privacy?'

'No. Well, that too, but for, ah, offering--'

I slammed the door, deciding that pretending he wasn't there was my best option after all. My guardian was unhappy, and I was starting to feel sick, but I was angry enough to be able to ignore it. Though the next time I saw her, Tinder was going to get a speech on not giving my address out to motherfucking nobles. Royals. Whatever.

'Wait,' he yelled through the closed door. 'I really need to talk to you about something. I'm not leaving.' He thumped on the door, hard enough to rattle its hinges.

I went and made myself a sandwich. It helped to do something, even if the food sat in an uncomfortable lump in my stomach. The couple of beers I had didn't help either.

After some time, the hammering stopped.

My roommate came home. He was about as human as humans come, and knew nothing of downworld. 'You know there's a guy sitting on our doorstep, waiting for you to talk to him right?' he said.

'I'm aware.'

'Okay, cool.' Then he went to have a shower. He was a good guy like that, never pushing, never questioning, the kind of indifference I needed. Plus, living with a human had the added bonus of hiding my scent from any who might come looking.

With a sigh, and at my guardian's prodding, I went to open the door, scooping up my keys on the way. Malik was indeed sitting against the door frame, though he jumped to his feet.

'You here alone?' I asked, before he could say anything.

'No, there's a guardian downstairs.'

'Follow,' I said, stepping out into the hall and closing the door behind me.

'Where are we going?' he asked.

'I'm going to drive you and your guardian back to the gateway.'

He stopped. 'I said I'm not leaving until I talk to you.'

I glared, but said, 'it's a fifteen minute drive. You can say whatever you want to on the way.'

'Oh. All right.' He dragged his feet, though, grating on my limited patience. I swore at my guardian, but at least it was happy for now.

Despite his earlier eagerness, Malik said nothing as he collected the guardian and piled into my car. Nor did he say anything during the drive

I pulled over onto the curb outside the Gateway. It was a no stopping zone, but who the hell cares? The guardian got out of the back, leaving Malik sitting there. 'We're here,' I grumbled.

'Just one minute.'

'You had fifteen.'

'I'm sorry I can't just blurt out my feelings.'

I scowled, not liking the sound of that. 'Whatever, hurry up and get the fuck out.'

'I love you.'

Nearly a full minute passed in silence while I tried, desperately, to convince myself that he hadn't just said that. This was worse than him asking me to swear to him. This was fire burning away the stitches that had been holding me together.

'Did you hear me, Jay? I said--'

'Fucking shut up,' I screeched.

He did.

There was another long silence while I tried to calm myself down, making myself breathe normally.

'You don't,' I said finally.

'I know how I feel.'

'You can't.'

'Well, I know we don't know each other very well yet--'

'I'm an incubus, it's just lust.'

'It's not. I mean, I do want you in that way, but--'

'Stop talking. Stop.'

Another pause.

'Hey, are you okay? You kind of look like you're freaking out.'

Breathe, breathe, breathe.

'Look,' I said carefully, knowing I was a knife's edge away from a full-blown panic attack. I hadn't had one in years, though with the exception of Malik, I'd successfully been avoiding nobles for years. 'Whatever you feel, it's not real. It's just the magic trying to force us to bond, because you're a noble and I'm a guardian.'

He blinked at me. 'You're not a guardian.'

'I think I would know, kid.'

'But, you don't act like a guardian.'

'Isn't that the fucking truth?'

'I thought guardians couldn't live without being bonded to a noble.'

Is living what I had been doing? 'I have been. It's easy, if I can avoid all nobles.'

'Oh. Is that why you're mad at me all the time?'

My guardian told me to say yes, that this wasn't personal. Fuck my guardian. 'No. I'm mad at you because you won't leave me alone. You've said what you wanted to say, so fuck off, all right? I don't ever want to see you again.'

He looked hurt, but climbed out of the car and went into the hotel.

I sat there for a long time before I felt stable enough to drive home.

Tinder was going to pay. Assuming I could ever work up the courage to go back down to see her.