Downworld

Chapter 14

It probably wasn't fair to blame them -- and not healthy, as my therapist liked to say -- like it did no good to blame myself. But I couldn't help it.

My parents, both guardians, succubi and incubi, who'd only gotten together to guarantee they would have children exactly like them. There had been a fondness between the two when I was young, but that had soured when no more children came and they'd separated, though remained close enough for the sake of their child. Their precious child who'd they'd allowed to be raped by the lord they served.

I cut down that trail of thought before it could do too much damage. They probably couldn't have done anything, even had they known.

But fuck, it hurt to even look at them. I resented them, hated them, for not protecting me, for letting the Black Bear anywhere near me, for not seeing something was wrong, for demonizing me when I ran away, for not coming after me. For not saving me.

They hadn't seen me as I watched them from the doorway. My father, looking flattened and as though he'd had a sleepless week, his dark brown hair -- like my dark brown hair -- was messy from lack of care. He hadn't shaved in some time. My mother, every detail perfect -- a defense mechanism, I knew, because if no one can see you're in pain, they can't use it against you -- smoothing her skirt. They weren't even looking at each other, how could they expect me to look at them?

I must have made some noise, because they both looked up at the same time. My father's face twisted with emotion, and my mother's stayed carefully blank.

'I don't think I can forgive you,' I said. 'And I can't forget either.'

My father couldn't speak, opened his mouth, but no noise came out.

'We understand,' my mother said softly. 'But we'd like to be a part of your life again. If you'll let us.'

'I'll try.' I'd have to, or so Tinder had informed me; following the Black Bear's death, they hadn't sworn to any of the nobles hoping to fill the power void in the Swamp. They'd sworn to Raven, and were in the process of moving into the Labyrinth. At the very least, I couldn't avoid them.

She smiled sadly. 'We love you, Jay.'

'Sure, me too,' I replied woodenly. It might have even been true, under everything else.

My father finally stuttered out an inadequate, 'I'm sorry.'

'I know.'

I managed to swallow my pain for a little while and speak to them. They wanted to get to know me, because I was an exotic stranger who had appeared in their lives like magic and challenged everything they'd thought they'd known about their son and their lord.

I tried not to hate them. Not to blame them. Like the Black Bear, they were symptoms -- and like me, they were prisoners -- of this festering mess called downworld. Downworld was to blame.

It needed to die.

But it would be harder to kill than the Black Bear.