Downworld

Chapter 13

Everything had to be put off until I felt controlled enough to trust myself around people again.

For a few days, I was fine. Bursting with energy so hot it felt like I was cooking from the inside out, but fine. Then it started to wear off, and the only thing stopping me from seeking out and draining Malik -- and probably a bunch of other people on my way to find Malik -- was the steel door to the bedroom in Tinder's basement, where I'd imprisoned myself. Because beneath everything, I was a selfish monster who couldn't control myself. Intellectually, I knew it was just a survival instinct, a need to be as strong as I could be in case I was attacked. But in every other way, I felt like and addict who'd just had his first hit after years sober. Hell, that's what I was.

As the energy drained away, the need just got stronger. I also felt like I was freezing and couldn't get warm. I wrapped myself in blankets and Tinder brought me a hot stone, but I still shivered and shook so hard I could barely drink for the amount I spilled. I couldn't sleep for the shaking and the desire.

That passed eventually, leaving me with just the hunger and the weakness. I could control both, not without difficulty, but I couldn't stay locked in Tinder's basement for the rest of my life. She agreed with me, and let me out when I asked. It had been a week, a week since the Black Bear had died. It had felt like a month.

'Malik's upstairs,' was the first thing she said to me once the door was opened.

'Why?'

'He's insisting on seeing you.'

'Tell him to go away,' I said. Just because I knew I could control myself didn't mean I would have a fun time with temptation dangling in front of my face. Maybe in another week, when the feeling of his strength inside me wasn't still fresh.

'Are you boyfriends, or are you not?' Tinder asked, hands on her hips. 'Because if you're boyfriends, or if you want to be, me telling him to go away is not the right move. He's just worried and needs a little comfort.'

'You're giving me advice now?' I grumbled.

'I've always given you advice, Jay, and the day you start listening to it is the day you'll finally be happy.'

I snorted. 'Fine, I'll talk to him. After I talk to Isamu.'

'He's gone home.'

'What?' I hadn't even thought of that. 'Is he okay?'

She shrugged and I had the sudden -- and frightening -- urge to punch her in the face. I shoved my hands in my pockets instead.

'He was fine when he left,' she said. 'Relieved.'

I took a deep, steadying breath and Tinder gave me a curious look. 'I'll talk to Malik. Then I'll go check on him.'

'Why?'

'Because I need to,' I snapped.

'He's dead, Jay,' she said. 'There's no one hurting Isamu anymore. His parents will look after him.'

As if it was that simple. As if a corpse made any difference at all to the harm already done. I didn't say that though, I didn't say anything because if I said something, that something would be telling Tinder where she could shove her advice and opinions on something she knew nothing about. I didn't want to fight with her, but I would be going to see Isamu, I would get him therapy and anything else he needed, and no one would talk me out of it.

In the meantime, Tinder took my silence as agreement and began to climb the stairs. I followed reluctantly.

Malik was in one of the first floor sitting rooms. He stood as we entered and I shivered. 'Hello,' he said, smiling and looking tasty in more ways than one and no worse for wear after what I'd done.