Finding my Fangirl

Hell

( WARNING: Suicidal thoughts, please don't try any of this. Don't think about this either. The future may seem bleak, but things will get better. Even if it's hard to see.)

Your P.O.V

I was tired of yelling; my voice is gone. I wasn't used to the hitting; I wanted it to stop. They were furious at me; they weren't killing me... they liked to see my pain. I'm seperated from Mark... I can't go on... it hurts....

After they gagged me; they threw me in a car... I don't know what color or model it is. I was blindfolded and stuck in a car for hours. All I could think about was Mark, about the pain that awaited me.

When we finally got to wherever we are.. they grabbed my hands and lead me into a house. The sounds I heard were familiar, but I'm not sure where this have taken me. I've been here for weeks now... I don't know if I'll be able to hold out much longer. I did hear them talk about ransom money... I couldn't ask Mark to pay for me... I didn't want him to get into this mess of a life I have.

They've cut everywhere they can; they made scratches where my heart is... My wrists are damaged and weak... I can't get up... I'm chained to the cold cement floor. That's not all.. Scratches and deep cuts are raked up my legs.. They feel numb...

After all this, I'm surprised I'm not dead yet. I know they like seeing pain, mine especially... but I want the pain to be gone... I want this to end; I want all of it to be some bad dream. If wake up against Mark's warm body; embracing me.

That's all I could ever want; the man of my dreams... he's so sweet... I don't deserve him. Mark... I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry... I love you. I love you so much. Please... if you can, find me. Please help me... I'm lost without you.

"(Y/N)! Come here you piece of shit." I hear my dad yell.

No more tears.. be strong... they've got you... but you can't overcome them. Don't fight back, just let it happen and don't be affected by it. I try to posture up a little bit; look a little strong.

I hear a growl come from the only door in the room and large footsteps stomp and echo through the room. I knew he was in here, my mother was always passed out.. or exhausted from other things. My father did this when I was younger; it was softer at first... nothing like it is now.

"Stand up, #%£$." I can hear the sneer in his voice.

I feel myself shake, "Don't shake, don't try to support yourself." I think to myself as I stand up; trying to look too confident.. even though my legs are wobbling.

I feel a fresh slap across my face; I try not to wince.. my face burns. I'm stronger than I was when I first arrived.. demeaning words and slaps to the face broke me down the first week; I just trained myself so I wouldn't wuss out. Getting back to my old roots of when I used to live with them and what not.

"Strong eh? You're such a naive little brat aren't you? Thought you could live happily ever after with your boyfriend. Trash. That's all you are." I hear him and feel him spit at me.

I try to stand up as straight as I can; to show him he hasn't broken my spirit at all. Even if that would take all the strength I can get; I'd still try. I hear my father grumble as he shuffles out of the room.

Once I think he's out of earshot; I lay my cheek on the concrete. I wanted the burning sensation of the slap to go away. I already have enough pain on my shoulders as it is. I didn't need some mere slap hurting my already bruised face.

I hated thinking that maybe they'll just end it, that maybe I'll feel a shot to my head... then nothing. I know there are others looking for me, but I'm sure they'd be just fine without me in their way. Mark could marry Kaylee and my friends would be just fine if I let myself go... forget everything.